motive

today's thought-provoking question:
why do we do what we do?

and the related question, which comes before the above question:
what is it that tempts us, calls us, and draws us to things/events/people?

you ask where is this coming from?

from the 1000 warriors bicycle race.

from my biking buddy ivy, who issued the challenge to a group of us the other day in the form of an email with a link to info for this race, and the following words:
Tour of Utah Stage from Park City, over Alpine, Suncrest, and up LCC
to Snowbird...looks bad ass

that was a gauntlet, thrown at my quivering feet.
and so far, everyone the email went to has responded with a, sure let's do it!

thus I find myself swimming around in this soul-searching quandary.
do I want to do this race?
really?
and, if so, why?

I try to separate the "do I want to" from the "why," and find that they're inextricably linked, ne'er to be torn asunder. therefore, I resort to the age old tool of considering pros and cons.

pros: it will be an excellent training ride for lotoja, which follows this race by a few weeks; it will be quite an accomplishment to have ridden; good group energy will exist if my friends do it; I will be able to eat a lot that night. possibly even the next day, as well. and the day before, can't forget that.
cons: it will be hard; I will at many points along the way question my sanity for having chosen to ride; it will be long and exhausting and hard; and it will be hard.

don't you hate it when people tell you to weigh the pros and cons? what does that really mean?? I can't assign point values to "it will be hard" and "get to eat more" and come to some mathematical solution.

it all comes down to motive.
what motivates me, what calls me, what presents as a perfect balance of challenge/likely success/bearable pain and causes me to say, yes?
that is what I get to determine.
and this is what I know so far:
I like to work hard
I love a reasonable challenge
I'm not a complete fool
I am enough of a competitor to get caught up in "if they can, I can" thinking
I will feel some sense of loss if I am not a part of it

which leads me to the ultimate resolution of this issue:


I'll sleep on it, and let you know tomorrow.