Saturday, January 10, 2015


once again, I am waiting for my world to warm.
it's dreary outside, sunlight baffled by rippling clouds that stripe the sky. blue is unveiled in narrow strips, but nothing today makes a shadow, not building nor tree nor jogger with white breath.

it will warm, they say. it's barely surpassed my threshold, and I'm promised another ten degrees before the high is met, and thus I wait.  ten degrees is significant:  it is toe-covers instead of full booties, it is thin gloves not fat, it is the fuchsia coat alone, without another on top.

but I fear my patience is ebbing, as I've already waited for hours. the desire to move is more powerful than the desire to be warm.

I can ride low, stay in the city instead of climbing a canyon:  this will save me degrees, ice, snow, the rooster-tail up my back.
it will take from me some joy, and replace it with the frustration of cars and stoplights, but it will allow me to pedal away sooner.

I ache to leave. to put my body in motion, to out-pedal the discomfort of being unsettled, of wanting, of desire. budhhism suggests all temporary things and states are unsatisfying.  that it is our desires that cause our suffering.

I desire warmth so that I may outpedal my other desires.
but perhaps I will honor the budhhist path and ride in discomfort, to embrace that which is given me.

it's climbed another 3 degrees, and I have plenty layers.  my house is warm, I can heat water and wrap myself in blankets upon my return.

I could wait, or I could go.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

the fat on the inside of my knees

life offers tremendous opportunities for self-improvement, from niggling neighbors who point out the shortcomings of your gardening skills to relationship disasters to hangovers.
there are self-help books, programs, therapists, doctors, landscapers, AA.
but when it comes to our bodies, there exist some tiresome, seemingly irresponsible design flaws, most prominently, the inability to direct weight loss to specific targeted areas.

ask any man over, say, middle age-ish, just how hard it is to lose those love handles.
ask any woman who's ever lost weight if it came from places she wanted (ha!) or didn't want it to.

my impossible zone is the inside of my knees, where my body has retained fat since the day I was born, preparing for that inevitable global freezing.  you know, those little chubby legs every baby is loved for, the ones most people outgrow?  my inner knees refuse to let go.  they are going to hold that fat forever, and laugh at the rest of the world when temperatures drop and everyone everywhere is freezing except me, warmed forever by that extra body fat.

the main reason I started cycling was to firm up my flabby upper legs.  and it's done wonders for that ~ everywhere except for the insides of my knees.
and after 8+ years, I don't see a big change coming.

so I'm prepared.  I'm ready.  let global warming throw it's best at me, because I am ready.  that stubborn, exercise-and-diet-resistant fat is going to ensure my survival in the wickedest winter weather, when all those slender-legged women freeze to death.  ha!  payback!
I will survive!

Monday, October 20, 2014

lessons from bob and andy

there's always something to learn.  a million things, actually.
and as much as I love cycling alone, losing myself in the rhythm of pedaling, the shortness of breath, the blue sky or clouds or mist or blinding sunlight, it's when I'm with my biking buddies that I often  learn something deeply meaningful.

from bob, lately, it's this:  saturday cycling is not at all about the destination, but completely about the company and the opportunity to be outside.  not at work, not performing chores, not shopping for necessities.  outside, away from the city, somewhere where the sky grows wider and trees fragrance the air and hillsides draw the eye up and up.

from andy, lately, comes this awesome lesson:  slow down.
andy is still in recovery from last february's significant back surgery, and he hasn't been able to train, put the miles in, as he has in the past.  he's a bit slower than usual, and to be social, I have to hold myself back a bit and, yep, slow down.
the world, for years, has been trying to tell me to slow down.  I don't listen well.

yesterday, I rode by myself but thought of bob and andy and worked to incorporate---take into the body---both pieces of wisdom.   and my ride was, mm, an experience almost beyond words.

I set off mid-morning, the sky pure blue, the air a bit chilly but fresh, invigorating.  and I rode like I was glad to be outside, and in no hurry.  I climbed a canyon, peacefully, astounded by the trees, the bouncing water in the creek, the silvery waterfalls, the mossy rocks and shining flat stream where fishermen stood in tall boots.  gratitude and restraint combined to make my ride one of the best of the year...
gratitude, and restraint.

there is much to learn from those around us.


Thursday, September 25, 2014


today the coyote feigned nonchalance as I pedaled slowly past, a scant seven feet away, 
silently beseeching him to meet my eyes; 
it is as if by ignoring me he retains ownership of the land, 
the hill and even the asphalt strip on which he stands, casually staring anywhere 
but at me.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

freeze frame

there are moments of my cycling life that I often wish I could freeze:  stop the action, take a 360 degree shot of the moment, somehow distill it into a memory drop that I can access again at any moment, feeling the thrill, the joy, the gloriousness of those incredible moments.

  • swooping down little mountain, headed to the reservoir, after the 10-mile climb is behind me
  • crossing the finish line at lotoja, especially that first year
  • cresting my 6th high mountain pass on day 2 of the double-triple-bypass, knowing that it was all downhill from there
  • riding past the bear, who startles and lopes off into a yard, his brown hind end high and shaggy
  • coasting down into ouray, colorado, from red mountain pass, pedaling through "little switzerland"
  • surprising and being surprised by the coyote the dozen times I have this summer
  • laughing at the oblivious porcupines waddling across the road
  • being face to face with an owl as daylight begins opening up the morning

I don't know the trick for remembering these---and more---extraordinary moments, except that it must begin with acknowledging them for the gifts they are, then writing them down in attempts to capture the essence if not the entire event.  too easily they slip to dark corners, get lost, disappear, much like those of our childhood, of our earlier lives, even of raising our own children.

I hope to hold these forever.  and I hope to keep adding to the list (and not just moments related to cycling) because I've been told there's limitless room in our memory banks . . . we might as well do our damnedest to fill them to overflowing, so that some day when it's dark and quiet we can relive them in our minds, reassuring ourselves of how fabulous it's been to be fully alive.

Monday, September 8, 2014

hair of the dog

lotoja was 2 days ago.
206 miles, logan utah to jackson wyoming, elevation gain somewhere around 8,000 feet, a long day in the saddle.
I completed my 7th, and as always, am incredibly glad to have it behind me.
what I felt at the end this year was not the elation felt in most other years, but gratitude that it was over---safely and completely.  I considered putting my bike away for the season, as quite a few do, or at least for a week, a few days, a while.

today I got back on my bike.

it's the hair of the dog thing ~ the only cure for exhausted, depleted, overly-strained muscles is to put them back to work.

and it was a great ride.  70 degrees, blue skies, cool in the shade up the canyon, a bit of a tailwind up at the bottom and a headwind at the top--both of which reversed for the descent.  trees are turning and the air is crisp, and numerous rainy days of the past month have kept foliage along the route surprisingly green.

those heliotropic (and non-heliotropic) sunflowers are bright as raw egg yolk, cheery and moving gently with the breeze.  we're in this amazing stretch of almost-autumn where the unrelenting heat of summer has passed and many of us creatures begin to revive, soaking in as much sun and air and beauty as we can before winter's hibernation creeps back toward us.

I ache here and there, glutes and hamstrings and peculiarly the instep of my right foot, but I feel strong and capable and the tiniest bit hollow as though I've left something behind somewhere that I can't quite remember.

but the hair has helped.  it's reminded me that life continues, it moves along, whether or not we believe we're ready for it.  it loosened me and challenged me and ultimately, helped me again feel at one with this beautiful land we live upon.

I'm glad to be this far into september, two days past lotoja, ready to welcome what autumn promises to bring.

Friday, August 29, 2014


while cycling, I sometimes yell at cars.  a refined yell, not a scream or shriek.  just loud enough that I feel good about putting energy into the noise, yet restrained enough that I know they're unlikely to hear me.
and what I most often yell is
use your blinkers!

the other day my 18-year-old daughter and I were driving to an appointment and she commented on a motorist who didn't use blinkers to signal a turn . . . I can't believe how many people don't use their blinkers.  I hate it.  
I, of course, had a small moment of parental pride, yes! I've trained my child to use and respect blinkers!
I've spent a bit of time contemplating the blinker situation, why people do and do not use them.  I've decided that drivers who don't use blinkers to signal their intentions are some combination of ignorant, arrogant, lazy, and distracted.
arrogant tops the list.

my other daughter pointed out to me that one can apply for a driver's license and NOT have to take a driver education course if one is age 19 or older.  maybe some motorists are simply ignorant.

distracted drivers?  not too hard to imagine.
lazy?  ditto.

whatever the cause, motorists who don't signal their intentions cause me grief as a cyclist.
just as, I suppose, cyclists who don't signal their intentions cause grief to motorists.

so I try not to be arrogant, ignorant, lazy, or distracted . . . and use my blinkers in my car, and my arms when I'm riding.

there's not one thing wrong with letting the world know where you're going.

see you at the lotoja finish line next week!
and the bestseller list next year,
and at the mini dealership for my new car a bit after that . . .

I have no problem letting you know where I'm going.