the tao of cycling: pretending

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

pretending

I have this idea:
I am going to pretend that I am tougher and more capable than I am.
I am going to wear this invisible mask and costume, just as if I were performing a play, and tackle the world with immense confidence and certainty.

one version will be my Cycling Hero: my invisible cloak will provide me with super powers so that I will conquer every hill in front of me, never losing my breath or muscle power. I will be able to ride for hours and hours without exhaustion ever even looking my way.

another version will be Super Mom: nothing my children say or do will ever faze me. they can talk back to me, disregard their chores, laze about like slugs and I will be impervious. even better, they will be inspired by my very presence to do all those things they are supposed to be doing. willingly. with smiles on their little faces.

then there will be Work Hero: my invisible costume with allow me to be tough, strong, and irresolute. I will neither explain nor defend myself, but will just do what needs to be done. no fears or squirming, no hesitation in asking for what is fairly mine. my expectations will be high, and will be met.

this is sounding awfully good, isn't it?
perhaps the only remaining category is that where I take care of myself, nurture myself, and support all of the tough work I'm doing out there in that "real" world I face every day.
which really isn't real, at all, is it?

most of what we confront every day is of our own creation. it's all about our own mindset, and how we view what we experience. that perspective thing.
if I think the world is unkind and evil, I will find evidence to support that.
if I think the world is glorious and full of beauty and kindnesses, I will find evidence to support that belief.

this afternoon I received a surprise from another continent, and it made my heart glow for a brief time. and I could have done two different things with that: I could have reacted by thinking, oh, it was just a small thing, and now it's gone, and it wasn't enough, or I could have thought, wow, that was so great, I am so thankful for that amazing event: I am going to treasure it.
I choose the latter.

so, super mom/cycling hero/work hero/nurturing me is leaping into my life, full force.

be prepared for miracles.

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the Male Ego

The other day I was coming down a canyon in my drop bars (two years ago I would have said, 'what's a drop bar?'), working hard, when I came up on two guys who were also heading downhill but at a more leisurely pace. I passed them, said hello as I did so, and pulled back into the bike lane. a few minutes later they went flying past me, faces looking dead ahead, not a single bit of acknowledgment that I even existed on this planet let alone was involved in and enjoying the same sport they were.
I have to attribute this to the male ego. what else can it be? now I know we all have egos, myself included. and mine even shows its ridiculous little head once in a while, or perhaps more often. but the difference between mine and say, those of certain men on bicycles, is that I KNOW mine exists and I can LAUGH at mine. I know my ego was quite excited to pass those guys, and I could also smile because I knew if the men had really been working like I was, they would have kicked my butt down the hill.
I think I pissed them off.
and I'm sure I will be sharing with you much more of my thoughts about the male ego . . .

a little history

I was married, and I had a mountain bike which I rarely rode. we separated, I moved out, and four months later someone stole my bike. the next spring, 2005, I bought myself a new mountain bike. I rode occasionally, and in april 2006 I rode in my first century, the Cactus Hugger in St. George, Utah. I made it 54 miles on that mountain bike, and it took me about 6 hours. I think that included the rest stops where I prayed that someone would steal my bike again . . .
in june 2006 I started riding my mountain bike five mornings a week, a 45-55 minute loop that was intended to be all about exercise. and what I found was that I loved the quiet, peaceful morning full of bird chatter and barely breaking sunrises. by that fall I was hooked, and began considering the purchase of a road bike. I rode up emigration canyon for the first time that Labor Day of 2006, panting and plowing along on my trusty (heavy) bike, and a month later I was the proud owner of my own road bike: I had become a two-bike girl!
a 17-week-long "power camp" over the winter and a handful of new friends kept bicycling front and center in my life, and when spring of 2007 rolled around I was ready to hit the pavement. I rode my first century the end of april, when I again went to St. George and completed that Cactus Hugger. it took me about 7 hours, but this time I rode the entire 100 miles with about 9300 feet of vertical gain. woo hoo!
I started riding canyons around our area, emigration and millcreek, city creek, big cottonwood, little mountain and big mountain, and once--yes, only once--little cottonwood.
then in september of 2007, I rode from Logan, Utah, to Jackson, Wyoming, in the slightly infamous LOTOJA race. I rode, I did not race. and I completed the thing, crediting my good training buddies, the incredibly perfect weather, my support team, and an amazing convergence of all things positive in the universe.
I put in about 3500 miles last season, and as of today, july 19, 2008, I have about 1700 in, adding to it every day.
I have again signed on to ride the LOTOJA race, and my goal is to have just somewhere near as great a ride as I did last year. oh, and to have someone fun to talk with along the way as I got incredibly bored last year . . . star valley is still a nightmare scene in my biking memories . . .
and here is a picture of the machine that has helped me reclaim my life.