time

this morning burst into our valley full of sun and blindingly white hillsides, blue sky and a thick sliver of moon reluctant to give up its reign.
driving eastward I was filled with the feeling I experience when I ride in the young morning and glory in the beginning of day. I ached to be on my bike, back in the rhythm of those daily rides.

and then I took a deep breath (I do that a lot, don't I?), and exhaled some gratitude to be just where I am.

this is a lesson I'm learning: to accept the present.
and not only to accept it gracefully, but to learn from it.
it's one thing to say to myself, it's winter, darn it, I'll just have to work out inside until I can get back on my bike.
and it's quite different to say, it's winter, and I will embrace this time of increased indoor experiences and greater variety in my workouts, and my entire self will benefit from the change and the break from my narrowly focused summers.

I take another deep breath as I write this.
this is new for me, this sense of relaxing into and welcoming an experience that isn't on the top of my wish list, this being grateful for what I don't think I want.

and it's all about an internal process, a slowing down, a greater patience with the world. it's acknowledging what is and not arguing with it.

I have many wants and desires, and plans and dreams and goals: acceptance of what is works differently in this arena, because I have some control over how I move forward or sideways or rest between movements. I can accept what is while still moving life toward my goal.
but when it comes to weather and the changing seasons, I am utterly without control. thus the lesson, the opportunity for me to stretch and grow.

there is more to this story, but it's still a secret . . .
perhaps tomorrow will be the day to release that one.

tonight I will go to sleep knowing that I will get up and go to indoor spin class, that on the way home I will delight in the lightening sky, and that I will be grateful for the slower pace that winter brings to me.