Thursday, February 12, 2009

time management

sometimes I find myself wishing for time to move more quickly than it does.
for instance, during those terribly difficult drills on the bike, or during a warm-up on a cardio machine when I am pushing hard enough to sweat and yet the monotony of it makes me want to pull my hair out.
during those moments I have that desire for time to just zip past, instantly.
and the second I have those thoughts, I squelch them and say a quick little prayer of gratitude: I love my time here on earth, and don't ever want to wish even a minute of it away.

except those minutes when my heart is beating 187 times per minute and I'm dripping sweat and I'm hot and feel like my legs are going to fall off and my lungs may shatter.
those minutes are hard to embrace and be grateful for, and I must admit I count down those seconds with an intense desire for them to be gone.

on the whole, I want more minutes in my day. I have so many things to fit into my day, and additional things I want to add to my day. I am never bored: there are always a handful of things I'd like to do. I often look at the clock and wish I could slow its movements, push the hands back around.

all in all, I have a questionable relationship with time. I want more of it, I try never to wish it away---though I obviously sometimes do---and I almost always feel that it moves faster than I want. I think of the fact that I am 46 (eek!) years old: where have those 400,000 hours gone? (to be honest, I do know that in the past 2 1/2 years a good 700 or so hours have been spent sitting on a bike saddle. but the other 399,300 . . . ?)

so I will try, from this moment on, to take those pain-filled moments on the elliptical or in the spin bike saddle and embrace them. embrace the pounding heart and labored breath. embrace the leaden, fatigued muscles. embrace the feeling that I cannot survive another 5 seconds, let alone the full 60 demanded by the instructor. I know the moments will end---they will all end---and what I will be left with is just a shorter length of time to be on earth.

we'd all better dance while we can.

No comments: