Sunday, February 22, 2009

thoughts at 10 pm

my thoughts at 10 pm are often quite similar to my 5:15 in the morning thoughts:
I am tired, and all I want to be is asleep.

it hasn't always been this way. I haven't ever been much of a night owl, but I used to last longer than I do these days.

it's been said that your body, given the opportunity, will sleep as long as it needs. I'm not sure about this: there are times when I've slept for 10 hours, then awakened groggy and tired. and often I wake up after 7 hours of sleep, my body restless and ready to get moving.

but what I really want to know is if other people go through what I go through. do they get tired, then keep going, then approach exhaustion, then finally collapse in bed? and do they get up in the morning, mentally kicking and screaming, begging to stay horizontal for just one more minute, two more, maybe another half hour? do they make deals with themselves, just to sleep a little, tiny bit longer?

I know there are people out there who watch late night television.
I don't even know who's on those talk shows any more.
jay leno? is he still doing that? and what about dave letterman? the other day I started thinking about arsenio hall: didn't he used to have a show?
I wonder if I'll ever even watch the 10 pm news again.

I've heard that people in new york watch their 11 pm news before heading to bed . . .

at my house we don't answer the phone after 9 pm, and everyone who knows me knows it's pretty pointless to try to communicate with me from about 8:45 on. by then I am focused on the "getting us all to bed" process (which includes the "getting everything ready for the morning" process, as well), and working to fit in (no more squeezing) just the tiniest amount of "down time" for me, when I sit and read and breathe deeply, calming myself after the activity thrown at me throughout the day.

I wonder what it would be like to live a calmer life, and I've decided it probably happens for those who don't have children in their homes.
but if I were one of those I think I'd probably stay up too late anyway, then get up screaming and kicking in the morning, trying to work a deal with myself that includes a little more sleep. I might not be quite as exhausted at night, though, so my 10 pm thoughts might not echo the 5:15 am ones.

I guess this means there will come a time in my life when things will shift and change. when I won't have quite so much to complain about, not nearly so many things to trip over as I walk through my house. I might not collapse into bed at night, and I might not even have to set the alarm for such an early hour.

then again, I may reach that point and decide I want to sign up for power camp again.
and set my alarm for 4:45 each weekday morning.
and go to bed at 9, exhausted, praying for sleep to come quickly so I can fit enough in before the shrilling alarm brings me back to life.

or I may just decide to sleep in, and enjoy.

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