Wednesday, September 9, 2009


some people believe that the universe provides them direction and guidance through signs.
some people believe that there are no coincidences.
some people believe in a curious mixture of free will and fate and destiny: that we have choices, but that certain people are going to show up in our lives one way or another.

I believe that there's much more going on in this universe than any one human can truly understand, and that kierkegaard got it right when he stated that life can only be understood backwards.

and I also believe that, at times, signs are planted in our paths to give us nudges, encouragement, and validation.
unfortunately, our daily lives are also full of meaningless and contradictory signs; the trick is differentiating between the two.

this morning I was mentally wrestling with my off-again on-again desire to take action instead of just letting things "flow." I don't like sitting in murky water that is possibly stagnant, and sometimes it feels like my river slows to these swampy places instead of bouncing and bubbling on down its path. I was thinking about whether or not certain things in my life just had to go, or if they were just in dormant, resting places waiting to soon blossom.
as I walked out of a building and toward my car, a man was backing his car up, almost directly into the space I was walking through. his license plate was personalized, and it read

yep. it sure did.
I smiled, and took it in.
and what it meant to me was that it wasn't time to make a decision about anything . . . that I need to stick with my river, as slowly moving as it seems to be.

later, during this same outing (which had as its main task a trip to the bike shop for a new chain, pre-lotoja prep), I was feeling some pre-lotoja anxiety. I know better, but sometimes our bodies just act out whatever our minds wrestle with. I've been stressing just a bit about the first leg of the ride, the portion from Logan to Preston, Idaho. we are released in groups of 50 or so, and for the past 2 years I've ridden this leg in a pelaton.
now pelatons are great---they get you there quickly---but they're also scary. you are riding wheel-to-wheel with a bunch of people you don't know, and you're riding fast. at times I struggle to keep up, and at times my heart is in my throat I'm so scared. the tiniest thing can go wrong and take down a handful of riders. when I find myself in a pelaton like this I constantly have to reassure myself that I'm okay, it will be okay, all is okay.
while my heart sits right there in my throat.
this is the most stressful part of the entire ride for me, and my heartrate sits up high for most of the leg.

back to this afternoon. I was on my way home, my happily chained ruby in the back of the car, when I pulled up behind a Mercury stopped at the red light in front of us. the car had a license plate holder that read
Preston Ford Mercury
Preston Idaho

I smiled.
how many cars in salt lake city have any kind of signs on them that say preston, idaho?
that was a sign to me, a sign that I'm going to make it to preston just fine next saturday morning.

I suppose I could take it as a sign that I should use a car to get me to preston, but I prefer to take it as a little supportive nudge that says, yes, you are going there, and yes, you're going to be just fine.
carry on.
flow on, even though it might not feel like a flow at all.
flow on, and
have faith.

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