Thursday, September 3, 2009

periods of adjustment

it's that time again, that time of adjusting.
adjusting schedules and routines and ways of being.
a time of acclimation to a new pattern.
which always throws me a little out of kilter.
I walk around the house feeling out of sorts, but can't really place my mental finger on any single reason.
I jump from project to project, leaving things half-done and returning to them only after I've completed 3 other things.
I ask the same questions over and over, and don't listen to the answer.
I don't want to talk on the phone.
my body is alternately jumpy and exhausted.
I feel unsettled and slightly askew, and that peaceful, calm feelings eludes me no matter what I do.

yes, it's the week before lotoja.

I've settled into my taper, but find that I'm not settled at all. I am caught somewhere between wanting to sleep 15 hours a day and feeling the pull to jump on my bike and ride 60-70-80 miles.
I've been icing my knees (no, that does not mean putting chocolate frosting on them and decorating) and trying to be kind to my body.
I ate a banana yesterday.
I had tuna fish for lunch twice this week.
I am drinking as much water as I remember to.

and I'm working on my mental adjustment to this new season, where the intense training is past and I am at the peak of my cycling ability this year. when, once lotoja is over, I will ride where I want and enjoy the leaves and gentle cool air of fall. when the push is over, and when life enters a new phase called fall.
but for now I'm in that wiggly place, where I feel like a Frenchman dropped in the middle of Italy. we might use the same currency, and our languages may have the same roots, but all of the nuances are different.
I'll adjust, things will settle, and life will once again feel comfortable and sturdy.
but for today, I'll just embrace this wiggly place because it is exactly where I am, and to pretend I'm someplace different would be pointless.

I'll just keep my wiggles on the inside, and keep those tires steady on that smooth and far-reaching asphalt path that leads from my door to who knows where.

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