Thursday, September 10, 2009


I did my last interval today, which basically brought an end to my pre-lotoja training season this year.
3 minutes, fast and hard, and then it was all over.
just to be clear: I feel no sadness about this.

it's good to have a goal, a carrot hanging out there that lends focus and direction to your existence. some carrots are small, some are bigger. some are huge and way, way far away. sometimes you choose a carrot and see it in the distance, lit from within with this glow that reaches its light outward into most every aspect of your life.
and sometimes when you reach your carrot, you experience joy and exultation and a giddy sense of impotence . . . which can then fade into a sense of loss and disappointment. I reached it, I did it, and, well, so what? or, I reached it, I did it, and, well, look at all the other things I don't get to have now that I have this.
some goals, some carrots, exclude other opportunities, and as wonderful as they are to achieve/reach/gain, along with them can come a sense of loss. a period of slight disappointment and then readjustment.

I haven't yet felt that way about lotoja. both years I've been thrilled to have completed it, darn tired, a little sore, incredibly grateful for hot showers, and so very appreciative of lying horizontally on any old kind of bed. the next day I am glad it's over, happy that I made it, and ready to return to real life.
ready to have more time to devote to my (currently poor, neglected) yard, ready to be more spontaneous and less committed to a training schedule. ready to enjoy my fitness and ride more leisurely, enjoying the coolness and colorfulness of fall.

I look forward to saturday evening, completion of the event, and movement forward into a new phase. it's been an excellent journey working toward this carrot, but it will be just as excellent to put it in my back pocket and move on to whatever comes next.

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