is it 9 pm yet?

yesterday I rode my bike up the old snow basin road.
I had warmed up on the flats for 15 minutes, then turned ruby's nose up the hill and started my mid-range climb. (if I had my fully-functioning cyclometer back yet, I would be able to tell you exactly what the grades are on that climb, but no . . . blackburn is on my be-leary-of-doing-business-with list. yes, there's more to that story and yes, I'm sure I'll be sharing it here once I get over my extreme frustration and can settle down enough to tell the tale.)
15 minutes into the climb I had to stop.
the hill is not that steep.
I debated: do I accept my weakness today and turn around and go home, or do I fight through it and continue to the top? and then, once I get to the top, do I continue the battle and go on to snow basin, or do I turn back at that first summit and go home?
I clung to my bike, sweating and panting and trying to listen to all parts of me, and watched my heartrate drop 50 beats. as it sat in the high 120's I tried to decide what the right thing to do was.
you can probably guess what I did.
I pedaled on up that hill, of course. and at the top I paused for a mere moment before continuing upon my originally scheduled program: down over the ridge and then up the long climb up to snow basin, and on out to the highway and back down into huntsville.
I knew I wasn't feeling great, but I was caught in that place of uncertainty. am I well enough to push on? should I stop and give my body rest? what is best? what is needed?

when I finally returned home I showered, ate, and then napped. and ever since, I've been a slightly less than fully functioning human. I am doing what needs to be done, but I'm performing at about 70 percent, and I'd rather be napping.

I've seen a half dozen people on bikes today, and each time I have thought to myself, wow, wish I had the energy to be that person.
I'm laughing at myself, but it's true. it's as if my body has said un-uh, we are not going to play that game today. you can walk, you can sit, you can recline or I'll even let you drive a car, but you are not-not-not even going to consider hopping on that bike.

I think if I were to get on my bike and start pedaling up the street I'd fall over.

so, now that I've shared my latest musings I think I'll just keep slowly moving through my afternoon so that eventually I'll be able to climb into bed and tell the world goodnight.

is it 9 pm yet?