Sunday, September 20, 2009

absorbing and assimilating

certain experiences take a while to sink in.
and sometimes the messages we receive from the universe, strangers, friends, loved ones, and our own hearts, bodies and minds settle slowly into us, drifting and connecting and refiguring themselves until eventually, everything clicks and realization dawns.

I am in that phase where bits of awareness and facts and feelings are floating around within me, and I feel certain that, eventually, clicking will occur and I will experience some kind of epiphany that draws all together and provides some profound understanding.

of what, I don't really know.

but today as I look back at the past week, at last weekend, at all the effort and work and miles of pavement that were part of the preparation for last weekend, I realize that an enormous undertaking occurred. myriad scraps of life and asphalt piled together to create a journey that has not yet ended, but that had a grand leg performed 8 days ago.

it's mind boggling, actually, to look back at the past 3 years of my life, and track the journey.
where am I headed?
I don't really know.
but where I've been during these past 3 years is easily tracked, through my journals and calendars and training notes and bib numbers, through the scars left on my skin, through the bike shop receipts for tubes and tires and GUs and lights and gear, and through the spiderweb of friends and acquaintances and connections that have entered and decorated my existence.
given all this information, a wise person might be able to draw a trajectory and forecast the next sojourn of my life's path.
but as much as I think I'd like to possess that information, it seems that most of us are best off traveling forward without detailed road maps.
and perhaps paradoxically, we tend to be better off when we have a firm understanding of our history.

thus I'll move forward, as I always do, after having let the adventures of my recent past assimilate into my being. a little absorption, some reflection, and generous portions of space and time are on my agenda.

good thing all of that can be done while seated on a slowly but definitely forward-moving bicycle.

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