I saw a few people on bikes this afternoon and I wasn't the least bit jealous.
usually I have a little twinge, a prick, some form of a squeeze of my heart.
but not today.
today was a day off the bike, and it was good.
I've had days like this before, when I think I would be just fine if I never rode my bike again. they always surprise me, and I get swept up with the feeling of enough. the same feeling I get after I eat about a pound of chocolate bridge mix: enough. no more. ever. how did I get to this point?
and then somehow, the next day, the bike starts looking good again, and so does the chocolate. satiation doesn't last long for me.
but while I'm in it, the feelings are amazingly intense. biking is hard, I'm tired, I ache, oh, how nice not to have to pump up those hills today. I glory in the spaciousness of my day, all that extra time. I revel in the laziness, in the fact that I haven't coated myself with sweat and dirt nor (this time of year) cloaked myself in cold. and I can't imagine that I ever want to put myself through the process of going for a bike ride ever again.
because it is a process:
scheduling the ride: when can I best fit this in my day, when will it be warmest and does that dovetail in with my work/kid schedule? if not, do I need to tweak something? I need a good 90 minutes, and then at least 20 minutes to shower and be presentable if I have to be seen by anyone other than my kids or those who love me tremendously.
making sure the bike is ready: proper air pressure in tires, lubed chain, semi-clean, no funky noises, full water bottles(s), spare tube necessities in pack, money.
making sure I am ready: weather-appropriate gear on (you know what a guessing game that can be), sunglasses, helmet, shoes, heart monitor, cell phone in a pocket, a treat if I'm going on an extra long or extra challenging ride, extra gear for the downhill stashed somewhere on me or on the bike.
I don't miss this process when I take a day off.
and I often don't even miss the thrill, the freedom, the joy, the peace.
some days it's okay to step out of line and sit one out.