the tao of cycling: inner beauty

Sunday, December 7, 2008

inner beauty

don't laugh.
a few weeks ago I read an article in Oprah magazine about inner beauty. it actually was a self-test, to tell you where you ranked as far as your own inner beauty.
it was a pretty telling test, and I was only a little surprised that I came out pretty well.
and I've decided this is my path for the rest of my life: my focus from now on will be on my inner beauty. if I can be genuine and happy and have an inner knowing that my core is beautiful, I will shine on the outside in a way that can't be dimmed by anyone's opinions (mine included) of what I look like.
so this is who I am from now on.

however,
I still have an issue with my thighs.

I'm sure it began somewhere around the time when that first schoolmate told me I shouldn't be wearing the stretch pants I was because they made me look fat. (that was sally oppenheimer, 5th grade.) and it intensified the first time someone called me thunder thighs. (can't remember who, and I'm guessing 7th grade.)
and even now, when I know that my body operates like a well-oiled machine, full of strength and health, I still regret my thick thighs. I still want to be like all the other slender women out there who wear jeans and actually have extra fabric there below their butts. I want to be able to buy pants without having to try 20 pair on before finding a pair that (semi) fits and looks (semi) okay. I want to watch my shadow when I'm cycling and not constantly be judging whether or not my thighs are of grossly abnormal size, or just slightly abnormal size. today the decision moved back and forth as I changed direction: certain shadows showed a normal looking, slightly curvaceous body, while other silhouettes depicted thighs that looked like they belonged on an olympic speed skater.
I heard a statistic the other day that stated 85 percent of american women are unhappy with their bodies. which they went on to tie into the fact that the media/advertising world put these gorgeous women with perfect teeth, hair and bodies out there, everywhere, for us to compare ourselves with. and I know I do. it's hard to be surrounded by beauty and not want to be a part of it all.

so, my psyche has informed me that in an effort to keep my mental health in line, we will now be focusing on that inner beauty thing. we will be confident and capable, happy with who we are, filled with inner peace and joy, and this will radiate out so that the world will notice this aspect.

not the thighs.

this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine . . .

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the Male Ego

The other day I was coming down a canyon in my drop bars (two years ago I would have said, 'what's a drop bar?'), working hard, when I came up on two guys who were also heading downhill but at a more leisurely pace. I passed them, said hello as I did so, and pulled back into the bike lane. a few minutes later they went flying past me, faces looking dead ahead, not a single bit of acknowledgment that I even existed on this planet let alone was involved in and enjoying the same sport they were.
I have to attribute this to the male ego. what else can it be? now I know we all have egos, myself included. and mine even shows its ridiculous little head once in a while, or perhaps more often. but the difference between mine and say, those of certain men on bicycles, is that I KNOW mine exists and I can LAUGH at mine. I know my ego was quite excited to pass those guys, and I could also smile because I knew if the men had really been working like I was, they would have kicked my butt down the hill.
I think I pissed them off.
and I'm sure I will be sharing with you much more of my thoughts about the male ego . . .

a little history

I was married, and I had a mountain bike which I rarely rode. we separated, I moved out, and four months later someone stole my bike. the next spring, 2005, I bought myself a new mountain bike. I rode occasionally, and in april 2006 I rode in my first century, the Cactus Hugger in St. George, Utah. I made it 54 miles on that mountain bike, and it took me about 6 hours. I think that included the rest stops where I prayed that someone would steal my bike again . . .
in june 2006 I started riding my mountain bike five mornings a week, a 45-55 minute loop that was intended to be all about exercise. and what I found was that I loved the quiet, peaceful morning full of bird chatter and barely breaking sunrises. by that fall I was hooked, and began considering the purchase of a road bike. I rode up emigration canyon for the first time that Labor Day of 2006, panting and plowing along on my trusty (heavy) bike, and a month later I was the proud owner of my own road bike: I had become a two-bike girl!
a 17-week-long "power camp" over the winter and a handful of new friends kept bicycling front and center in my life, and when spring of 2007 rolled around I was ready to hit the pavement. I rode my first century the end of april, when I again went to St. George and completed that Cactus Hugger. it took me about 7 hours, but this time I rode the entire 100 miles with about 9300 feet of vertical gain. woo hoo!
I started riding canyons around our area, emigration and millcreek, city creek, big cottonwood, little mountain and big mountain, and once--yes, only once--little cottonwood.
then in september of 2007, I rode from Logan, Utah, to Jackson, Wyoming, in the slightly infamous LOTOJA race. I rode, I did not race. and I completed the thing, crediting my good training buddies, the incredibly perfect weather, my support team, and an amazing convergence of all things positive in the universe.
I put in about 3500 miles last season, and as of today, july 19, 2008, I have about 1700 in, adding to it every day.
I have again signed on to ride the LOTOJA race, and my goal is to have just somewhere near as great a ride as I did last year. oh, and to have someone fun to talk with along the way as I got incredibly bored last year . . . star valley is still a nightmare scene in my biking memories . . .
and here is a picture of the machine that has helped me reclaim my life.