Sunday, December 7, 2008

inner beauty

don't laugh.
a few weeks ago I read an article in Oprah magazine about inner beauty. it actually was a self-test, to tell you where you ranked as far as your own inner beauty.
it was a pretty telling test, and I was only a little surprised that I came out pretty well.
and I've decided this is my path for the rest of my life: my focus from now on will be on my inner beauty. if I can be genuine and happy and have an inner knowing that my core is beautiful, I will shine on the outside in a way that can't be dimmed by anyone's opinions (mine included) of what I look like.
so this is who I am from now on.

I still have an issue with my thighs.

I'm sure it began somewhere around the time when that first schoolmate told me I shouldn't be wearing the stretch pants I was because they made me look fat. (that was sally oppenheimer, 5th grade.) and it intensified the first time someone called me thunder thighs. (can't remember who, and I'm guessing 7th grade.)
and even now, when I know that my body operates like a well-oiled machine, full of strength and health, I still regret my thick thighs. I still want to be like all the other slender women out there who wear jeans and actually have extra fabric there below their butts. I want to be able to buy pants without having to try 20 pair on before finding a pair that (semi) fits and looks (semi) okay. I want to watch my shadow when I'm cycling and not constantly be judging whether or not my thighs are of grossly abnormal size, or just slightly abnormal size. today the decision moved back and forth as I changed direction: certain shadows showed a normal looking, slightly curvaceous body, while other silhouettes depicted thighs that looked like they belonged on an olympic speed skater.
I heard a statistic the other day that stated 85 percent of american women are unhappy with their bodies. which they went on to tie into the fact that the media/advertising world put these gorgeous women with perfect teeth, hair and bodies out there, everywhere, for us to compare ourselves with. and I know I do. it's hard to be surrounded by beauty and not want to be a part of it all.

so, my psyche has informed me that in an effort to keep my mental health in line, we will now be focusing on that inner beauty thing. we will be confident and capable, happy with who we are, filled with inner peace and joy, and this will radiate out so that the world will notice this aspect.

not the thighs.

this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine . . .

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