the tao of cycling: brightening

Friday, December 5, 2008

brightening

first, I did not go out in the cold and ride my bike today. again, I saw many heartier-than-I cyclists doing that very thing, and all I felt was, ah, they are tougher than me. soon I will sound like a broken record, but I'm hoping to get out there tomorrow . . .

second, I will now move on to the more important thing, my emotional experience of the day.

this week I've written about gratitude, and about the Christmas spirit, and the two of these collided within me today and created a wonderful, physical reaction, just like what I thought I should be experiencing the other night.
yea! I'm not the in-my-head, intellectual, cold fish I feared I was . . .

this is what happened:
I am working on my many Christmas projects, from "secret elf" to the family and friends list to teacher gifts, as I like to be at least a teeny bit ahead of the game. I needed a few supplies, so I drove down into town and visited two stores. quickly. I like to get there early in the day and get in and out before chaos (and long lines) set in. I was successful, and hopped back into my car feeling pretty good about it all.
on my way home, a wave of gratitude just washed through me, literally, and my entire chest just warmed and glowed. well, that's what it felt like, anyway. with that came the thought, I am so grateful that I'm able to do this.
and what is "this?"
my silly little presents, those small tokens of appreciation and friendship and acknowledgment. they are small; they aren't expensive. they are here and gone; they are not treasures to be displayed for years. but they mean something to me. they bring me such great joy to give that I can't even explain it. bottles of soap and small tins of cookies and a roll of scotch tape. wrapped and tied and turned into gifts from our hearts.
and the other part of "this" is that I have a car (with gas in it), I have the time, and I have enough disposable income that I can do this.
I love giving my little presents; I love the fact that I might just be brightening some else's day.
because each time I give even a little something, it brightens my day like every cloud has left the sky and the sun is shining down, everywhere, casting a yellow-gold glow over the entire world.

third, I wish you all the very same brightening.

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the Male Ego

The other day I was coming down a canyon in my drop bars (two years ago I would have said, 'what's a drop bar?'), working hard, when I came up on two guys who were also heading downhill but at a more leisurely pace. I passed them, said hello as I did so, and pulled back into the bike lane. a few minutes later they went flying past me, faces looking dead ahead, not a single bit of acknowledgment that I even existed on this planet let alone was involved in and enjoying the same sport they were.
I have to attribute this to the male ego. what else can it be? now I know we all have egos, myself included. and mine even shows its ridiculous little head once in a while, or perhaps more often. but the difference between mine and say, those of certain men on bicycles, is that I KNOW mine exists and I can LAUGH at mine. I know my ego was quite excited to pass those guys, and I could also smile because I knew if the men had really been working like I was, they would have kicked my butt down the hill.
I think I pissed them off.
and I'm sure I will be sharing with you much more of my thoughts about the male ego . . .

a little history

I was married, and I had a mountain bike which I rarely rode. we separated, I moved out, and four months later someone stole my bike. the next spring, 2005, I bought myself a new mountain bike. I rode occasionally, and in april 2006 I rode in my first century, the Cactus Hugger in St. George, Utah. I made it 54 miles on that mountain bike, and it took me about 6 hours. I think that included the rest stops where I prayed that someone would steal my bike again . . .
in june 2006 I started riding my mountain bike five mornings a week, a 45-55 minute loop that was intended to be all about exercise. and what I found was that I loved the quiet, peaceful morning full of bird chatter and barely breaking sunrises. by that fall I was hooked, and began considering the purchase of a road bike. I rode up emigration canyon for the first time that Labor Day of 2006, panting and plowing along on my trusty (heavy) bike, and a month later I was the proud owner of my own road bike: I had become a two-bike girl!
a 17-week-long "power camp" over the winter and a handful of new friends kept bicycling front and center in my life, and when spring of 2007 rolled around I was ready to hit the pavement. I rode my first century the end of april, when I again went to St. George and completed that Cactus Hugger. it took me about 7 hours, but this time I rode the entire 100 miles with about 9300 feet of vertical gain. woo hoo!
I started riding canyons around our area, emigration and millcreek, city creek, big cottonwood, little mountain and big mountain, and once--yes, only once--little cottonwood.
then in september of 2007, I rode from Logan, Utah, to Jackson, Wyoming, in the slightly infamous LOTOJA race. I rode, I did not race. and I completed the thing, crediting my good training buddies, the incredibly perfect weather, my support team, and an amazing convergence of all things positive in the universe.
I put in about 3500 miles last season, and as of today, july 19, 2008, I have about 1700 in, adding to it every day.
I have again signed on to ride the LOTOJA race, and my goal is to have just somewhere near as great a ride as I did last year. oh, and to have someone fun to talk with along the way as I got incredibly bored last year . . . star valley is still a nightmare scene in my biking memories . . .
and here is a picture of the machine that has helped me reclaim my life.