uncertainty

the other day I was riding down the canyon and I thought to myself (really? to whom else would I think?)
what if I'm not really here?
what if I am living an angelic experience, me, a celestial being, invisible, untouchable, an apparition here on earth, not really here.
not really riding my bike down the road: there is no "my", there is no bike.
I've fantasized every encounter I think I've had, all of the exhaustion and sweat and sore muscles are just wishful thinking.
the relationships I think I have are all of my own making, perhaps some in conjunction with the dreams and fantasies of others.
I'm not really here.
I am a being of love and light that has woven this most complex tapestry of connection with true beings ~ I watch from afar as the me who is not works her magic with lights and mirrors and creates a reality that does not exist.
I'm not really here.
the grease stains on my hands are visible only to my ethereal eyes, the rush of the wind against my skin is a dream, the fast whirring of my coasting pedals resonates only in my own pretend mind.
I am not really here.

and as if to confirm my paranormal, otherworldly thoughts, I just received an email from the Ironhorse photographers down in durango, telling me that tomorrow's event was fabulous, and that they took pictures of me while I was riding. tomorrow.

I seem to be here today, at this moment.
I'll be in durango tomorrow, thus you won't be hearing from me for a couple days.
peace be with you, and I will try to find a more concrete version of myself to bring back.

hmm, I wonder if you can see me in those pictures, or if I'm just a phantom on a riderless bike . . .