I see it like this:
D + M = S
(desire +motivation = structure)
increase desire, increase motivation, and you then see a strengthened structure.
decrease desire, and decrease motivation, however, and you then see your structure decline.
I'm not talking about biking here. I'm talking about writing.
I seem to be having difficulty adhering to the structure I've created for this blog.
originally it was a daily post.
then it became every other day.
and even at every other day I keep messing up.
and it has to do with desire and motivation.
my desire to write here has slipped, and I cannot seem to find much motivation to write, either.
thus my slipping structure.
see, in addition to my Secret Fantasies of wanting to be a back-up singer and a runner, I have this Real Life Desire to write. two of my most fulfilling places to be are swooping down a gently curving descent on my bike, and engrossed in the writing process.
this weblog began as a way for me to commit to writing by adding the structure of a daily assignment. but lately I have struggled to find the desire to keep doing this. I often don't want to, and worry about repeating myself. it's work, it's effort, and I'm not feeling connected to my Real Life Desire, so I'm neither eager nor excited about writing and posting my missives here.
and that, I believe, is why I didn't post anything here yesterday. in the morning I thought about it, but was busy doing other things. I had commitments early afternoon and early evening with a predicted hour gap between: I thought I'd be able to write and post then. but when that gap arrived, writing and posting neglected to enter my thought-system, and it didn't hit me until today that I'd messed up. again.
life is like this. enthusiasm ebbs and flows, and most of us keep slogging through the troughs until we can revel in the inevitable peaks. and if those peaks stop appearing, we learn to adjust things so that we can find them again.
life without desire and motivation is flat, boring, and at least for me, a struggle.
I don't have the answer.
as I was swooping downhill this afternoon, gleeful with the rush of cold air and the dusting of snowflakes, fresh snow on the ground and burning wood from fireplaces scenting the air, I thought of writing about it, not knowing how else I could possibly share with the world how thrilling and fulfilling those moments were.
so now I have,
and I've repaired yesterday's hole,
and I will hopefully be on the right path to rediscovering a little passion and desire.
which will lead to motivation.
which will support and encourage a strengthened structure.
see ya tomorrow.