the tao of cycling: birthday days

Monday, May 17, 2010

birthday days

today my babies turn fourteen.
so I celebrated by getting up early and going for a bike ride.
before I left, however, I grabbed my lipstick and scrawled a big Happy Birthday! across the bathroom mirror in case they got up before I returned.

I contemplated parenthood on my ride. and being a mom, giving birth to babies who grow to be children and then adolescents and on. I thought about my life, and how parenting grew to give shape to so much of who I am. and then I thought about my breathing and my legs and my heart rate, and had to stop thinking about being a parent. basically I just had to stop thinking.

but my early morning musings have set the tone for the day. it's difficult not to look back fourteen years and remember the day these girls were born. which leads me to think of my sons being born, and reliving some of those experiences.
it makes for a nostalgic, wee bit melancholy, day.

I'm not one of those parents who bemoan their childrens' growing up: I enjoy each new step and phase, and I love to see how my children are maturing and moving through their own journeys. however, I do, at times like this, find myself looking backward and experiencing awe at just how beautiful and amazing my children have been at each step of their lives. freezing doesn't seem to be an option, so I thank God for pictures.

it's nice to have babies who are fairly self-sufficient. to know that I can go for a three-hour bike ride and they will be more relieved at my absence than anything else. to know that I can have my own life and passions while they continue to develop theirs. it's almost like my children and I are reenacting the stage toddlers go through called "parallel play," where two or more will each play, side by side, but not really interact or combine their activities. we are all here, we each have our own favorite and or necessary activities, and we all support each other in being our own people.

my ride this morning was awesome. the headwind and tired legs on the way up became a tailwind and energized, worked-out legs on the way down, and I returned home strong and ready for a day of cake and cookie making, present wrapping, lunch delivering, and general party preparation. it's been a good day.

and the lipstick remains, although every time I glance at that mirror I think, gosh, what's all over that thing? where's the windex?
I think I might have to leave it there for a while, just as a reminder of all that's good in life.

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the Male Ego

The other day I was coming down a canyon in my drop bars (two years ago I would have said, 'what's a drop bar?'), working hard, when I came up on two guys who were also heading downhill but at a more leisurely pace. I passed them, said hello as I did so, and pulled back into the bike lane. a few minutes later they went flying past me, faces looking dead ahead, not a single bit of acknowledgment that I even existed on this planet let alone was involved in and enjoying the same sport they were.
I have to attribute this to the male ego. what else can it be? now I know we all have egos, myself included. and mine even shows its ridiculous little head once in a while, or perhaps more often. but the difference between mine and say, those of certain men on bicycles, is that I KNOW mine exists and I can LAUGH at mine. I know my ego was quite excited to pass those guys, and I could also smile because I knew if the men had really been working like I was, they would have kicked my butt down the hill.
I think I pissed them off.
and I'm sure I will be sharing with you much more of my thoughts about the male ego . . .

a little history

I was married, and I had a mountain bike which I rarely rode. we separated, I moved out, and four months later someone stole my bike. the next spring, 2005, I bought myself a new mountain bike. I rode occasionally, and in april 2006 I rode in my first century, the Cactus Hugger in St. George, Utah. I made it 54 miles on that mountain bike, and it took me about 6 hours. I think that included the rest stops where I prayed that someone would steal my bike again . . .
in june 2006 I started riding my mountain bike five mornings a week, a 45-55 minute loop that was intended to be all about exercise. and what I found was that I loved the quiet, peaceful morning full of bird chatter and barely breaking sunrises. by that fall I was hooked, and began considering the purchase of a road bike. I rode up emigration canyon for the first time that Labor Day of 2006, panting and plowing along on my trusty (heavy) bike, and a month later I was the proud owner of my own road bike: I had become a two-bike girl!
a 17-week-long "power camp" over the winter and a handful of new friends kept bicycling front and center in my life, and when spring of 2007 rolled around I was ready to hit the pavement. I rode my first century the end of april, when I again went to St. George and completed that Cactus Hugger. it took me about 7 hours, but this time I rode the entire 100 miles with about 9300 feet of vertical gain. woo hoo!
I started riding canyons around our area, emigration and millcreek, city creek, big cottonwood, little mountain and big mountain, and once--yes, only once--little cottonwood.
then in september of 2007, I rode from Logan, Utah, to Jackson, Wyoming, in the slightly infamous LOTOJA race. I rode, I did not race. and I completed the thing, crediting my good training buddies, the incredibly perfect weather, my support team, and an amazing convergence of all things positive in the universe.
I put in about 3500 miles last season, and as of today, july 19, 2008, I have about 1700 in, adding to it every day.
I have again signed on to ride the LOTOJA race, and my goal is to have just somewhere near as great a ride as I did last year. oh, and to have someone fun to talk with along the way as I got incredibly bored last year . . . star valley is still a nightmare scene in my biking memories . . .
and here is a picture of the machine that has helped me reclaim my life.