Sunday, August 3, 2008

regret not

so much to say, so difficult to find the words to do so.
I've had a few people ask me why I started this web-log, and my answer is that it's all about discipline. I am a writer who writes in spurts, and it's time to change that. I made a commitment to myself, that I would begin writing on a regular basis, and this is my vehicle. my daily practice. my have-to.
like my daily bike ride, I love this and I don't. it is not always easy to choose a topic and try to make an interesting mini-essay out of it. sometimes I am more efficient and effective than others! sometimes I have a great morning ride ~ full of energy and purpose and joy ~ and sometimes I don't.
but the important piece is that I do it. I ride, and I write. I am committed to improving both of these skills, and the only way that will happen is if I practice them, over and over. a joke between my kids and myself is based on a line from a song in one of their animated movies, "practice, practice, practice." whenever one of my kids ask me how come I'm so good at something . . . guess what they hear?
or I just say, "I'm old, and I've been doing it forever . . ."
but I prefer the p-word. which is what it's become. one of my daughters has finally reached the point where she answers her own question about how come I do things so well, "I know, the p-word . . ."
practice. but along with that comes another important piece: the willingness to take chances. to try something new, to push limits, to tackle a challenge, to take on more than you think you can. stepping out of your comfort zone. sometimes far outside that zone.
when I decided to begin this web-log, I knew it would put me in an uncomfortable place. I am speaking my truth, and it's available to anyone who wishes to read it. I have always been a very private person, yet I am a writer. the conflict was blown wide open when I started this: I am committed to being who I am, and I guess I've hit that point in my life where I no longer care about the judgment of others. you will either enjoy what I write, respect me for being real, and accept who I am, or you won't. either way is fine. and none of that is in my control, which frees me to be authentically me.
a line in a book I'm reading sunk into my soul this morning:
"every timidity eventually turns to regret" (anthony doerr).
challenge, push, reach, stretch . . . and always stay grounded, your roots holding you firmly in your authenticity.


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