the tao of cycling: regret not

Sunday, August 3, 2008

regret not

so much to say, so difficult to find the words to do so.
I've had a few people ask me why I started this web-log, and my answer is that it's all about discipline. I am a writer who writes in spurts, and it's time to change that. I made a commitment to myself, that I would begin writing on a regular basis, and this is my vehicle. my daily practice. my have-to.
like my daily bike ride, I love this and I don't. it is not always easy to choose a topic and try to make an interesting mini-essay out of it. sometimes I am more efficient and effective than others! sometimes I have a great morning ride ~ full of energy and purpose and joy ~ and sometimes I don't.
but the important piece is that I do it. I ride, and I write. I am committed to improving both of these skills, and the only way that will happen is if I practice them, over and over. a joke between my kids and myself is based on a line from a song in one of their animated movies, "practice, practice, practice." whenever one of my kids ask me how come I'm so good at something . . . guess what they hear?
yep.
or I just say, "I'm old, and I've been doing it forever . . ."
but I prefer the p-word. which is what it's become. one of my daughters has finally reached the point where she answers her own question about how come I do things so well, "I know, the p-word . . ."
practice. but along with that comes another important piece: the willingness to take chances. to try something new, to push limits, to tackle a challenge, to take on more than you think you can. stepping out of your comfort zone. sometimes far outside that zone.
when I decided to begin this web-log, I knew it would put me in an uncomfortable place. I am speaking my truth, and it's available to anyone who wishes to read it. I have always been a very private person, yet I am a writer. the conflict was blown wide open when I started this: I am committed to being who I am, and I guess I've hit that point in my life where I no longer care about the judgment of others. you will either enjoy what I write, respect me for being real, and accept who I am, or you won't. either way is fine. and none of that is in my control, which frees me to be authentically me.
a line in a book I'm reading sunk into my soul this morning:
"every timidity eventually turns to regret" (anthony doerr).
challenge, push, reach, stretch . . . and always stay grounded, your roots holding you firmly in your authenticity.

ah.

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the Male Ego

The other day I was coming down a canyon in my drop bars (two years ago I would have said, 'what's a drop bar?'), working hard, when I came up on two guys who were also heading downhill but at a more leisurely pace. I passed them, said hello as I did so, and pulled back into the bike lane. a few minutes later they went flying past me, faces looking dead ahead, not a single bit of acknowledgment that I even existed on this planet let alone was involved in and enjoying the same sport they were.
I have to attribute this to the male ego. what else can it be? now I know we all have egos, myself included. and mine even shows its ridiculous little head once in a while, or perhaps more often. but the difference between mine and say, those of certain men on bicycles, is that I KNOW mine exists and I can LAUGH at mine. I know my ego was quite excited to pass those guys, and I could also smile because I knew if the men had really been working like I was, they would have kicked my butt down the hill.
I think I pissed them off.
and I'm sure I will be sharing with you much more of my thoughts about the male ego . . .

a little history

I was married, and I had a mountain bike which I rarely rode. we separated, I moved out, and four months later someone stole my bike. the next spring, 2005, I bought myself a new mountain bike. I rode occasionally, and in april 2006 I rode in my first century, the Cactus Hugger in St. George, Utah. I made it 54 miles on that mountain bike, and it took me about 6 hours. I think that included the rest stops where I prayed that someone would steal my bike again . . .
in june 2006 I started riding my mountain bike five mornings a week, a 45-55 minute loop that was intended to be all about exercise. and what I found was that I loved the quiet, peaceful morning full of bird chatter and barely breaking sunrises. by that fall I was hooked, and began considering the purchase of a road bike. I rode up emigration canyon for the first time that Labor Day of 2006, panting and plowing along on my trusty (heavy) bike, and a month later I was the proud owner of my own road bike: I had become a two-bike girl!
a 17-week-long "power camp" over the winter and a handful of new friends kept bicycling front and center in my life, and when spring of 2007 rolled around I was ready to hit the pavement. I rode my first century the end of april, when I again went to St. George and completed that Cactus Hugger. it took me about 7 hours, but this time I rode the entire 100 miles with about 9300 feet of vertical gain. woo hoo!
I started riding canyons around our area, emigration and millcreek, city creek, big cottonwood, little mountain and big mountain, and once--yes, only once--little cottonwood.
then in september of 2007, I rode from Logan, Utah, to Jackson, Wyoming, in the slightly infamous LOTOJA race. I rode, I did not race. and I completed the thing, crediting my good training buddies, the incredibly perfect weather, my support team, and an amazing convergence of all things positive in the universe.
I put in about 3500 miles last season, and as of today, july 19, 2008, I have about 1700 in, adding to it every day.
I have again signed on to ride the LOTOJA race, and my goal is to have just somewhere near as great a ride as I did last year. oh, and to have someone fun to talk with along the way as I got incredibly bored last year . . . star valley is still a nightmare scene in my biking memories . . .
and here is a picture of the machine that has helped me reclaim my life.