the tao of cycling: competition

Saturday, August 16, 2008

competition

today is the day of the infamous Snowbird Hill Climb..... a ten-mile race that ends at Snowbird. I am not a participant! in fact, I slept in this morning, and at this moment have no plans to get on my bike at all..... a rare day in susan's cycling-season life. it is chilly and breezy and just a delightful morning to sip my coffee and relax into just being. soon I will start doing, but for now I'm incredibly happy to just be.

I have a handful of friends who raced this morning, but I have no desire to compete in these events. and these friends aren't really riding to compete, most of them are just concerned with their own times. but the whole atmosphere is competitive, and for some reason the thought of participating makes my skin crawl. I am trying to understand this about myself, and I can't quite get to the bottom of it.

the Porcupine Hill Climb was a month ago. this is a race from the mouth of big cottonwood up to Brighton, at the top. again, many of my cycling friends rode this race, and enjoyed it. I can ride up this canyon, and I time myself each time. I know what a good time is for me, and I sometimes press myself a little to work harder and knock off a minute or two. and sometimes I pass other people going up, and frequently people pass me. I've looked at the race results, and I see that most everyone gets to the top in less time than I take. and all of this is okay, so why do I not want to do it?

I think it comes down to two things. I don't like being passed by females; and I can only work so hard ~ if I start trying to keep up with everyone else I fear I'll send my heart into severe and permanent tachycardia. yes, I am kidding. a little.

everyone that passes me while I'm riding sends my ego a little message: "you have room to improve, don't you?" it doesn't matter how young or talented or well-trained they are, my ego hears this repetitive message. my ego can take it a tad better if the cyclist is male and in great shape, but less well if the cyclist is female. even if the female is twenty years younger than me and a triathlete. how ridiculous is this? but it is my current truth, and so I think of these races, where fifty, a hundred, two hundred people will pass me and I just think my poor little ego will faint. but before it does, it will tell my body to "work harder, damnit!" and then my heart will go into overload . . .

this is why I don't register for these rides.
silly, isn't it?

some day, I will be able to control my little ego. I am working on it.

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the Male Ego

The other day I was coming down a canyon in my drop bars (two years ago I would have said, 'what's a drop bar?'), working hard, when I came up on two guys who were also heading downhill but at a more leisurely pace. I passed them, said hello as I did so, and pulled back into the bike lane. a few minutes later they went flying past me, faces looking dead ahead, not a single bit of acknowledgment that I even existed on this planet let alone was involved in and enjoying the same sport they were.
I have to attribute this to the male ego. what else can it be? now I know we all have egos, myself included. and mine even shows its ridiculous little head once in a while, or perhaps more often. but the difference between mine and say, those of certain men on bicycles, is that I KNOW mine exists and I can LAUGH at mine. I know my ego was quite excited to pass those guys, and I could also smile because I knew if the men had really been working like I was, they would have kicked my butt down the hill.
I think I pissed them off.
and I'm sure I will be sharing with you much more of my thoughts about the male ego . . .

a little history

I was married, and I had a mountain bike which I rarely rode. we separated, I moved out, and four months later someone stole my bike. the next spring, 2005, I bought myself a new mountain bike. I rode occasionally, and in april 2006 I rode in my first century, the Cactus Hugger in St. George, Utah. I made it 54 miles on that mountain bike, and it took me about 6 hours. I think that included the rest stops where I prayed that someone would steal my bike again . . .
in june 2006 I started riding my mountain bike five mornings a week, a 45-55 minute loop that was intended to be all about exercise. and what I found was that I loved the quiet, peaceful morning full of bird chatter and barely breaking sunrises. by that fall I was hooked, and began considering the purchase of a road bike. I rode up emigration canyon for the first time that Labor Day of 2006, panting and plowing along on my trusty (heavy) bike, and a month later I was the proud owner of my own road bike: I had become a two-bike girl!
a 17-week-long "power camp" over the winter and a handful of new friends kept bicycling front and center in my life, and when spring of 2007 rolled around I was ready to hit the pavement. I rode my first century the end of april, when I again went to St. George and completed that Cactus Hugger. it took me about 7 hours, but this time I rode the entire 100 miles with about 9300 feet of vertical gain. woo hoo!
I started riding canyons around our area, emigration and millcreek, city creek, big cottonwood, little mountain and big mountain, and once--yes, only once--little cottonwood.
then in september of 2007, I rode from Logan, Utah, to Jackson, Wyoming, in the slightly infamous LOTOJA race. I rode, I did not race. and I completed the thing, crediting my good training buddies, the incredibly perfect weather, my support team, and an amazing convergence of all things positive in the universe.
I put in about 3500 miles last season, and as of today, july 19, 2008, I have about 1700 in, adding to it every day.
I have again signed on to ride the LOTOJA race, and my goal is to have just somewhere near as great a ride as I did last year. oh, and to have someone fun to talk with along the way as I got incredibly bored last year . . . star valley is still a nightmare scene in my biking memories . . .
and here is a picture of the machine that has helped me reclaim my life.