the tao of cycling: in memoriam

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

in memoriam

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

~ lord alfred tennyson

I knew a small part of a girl.
she was full of joy and peace, and had visions of a harmonious future not only for herself and her circle of family, friends, and community, but for a huge chunk of the world. she gave of herself freely, and she had reached a point of feeling so little fear that her movements appeared effortless. she heard callings and she answered. she connected with sky and earth and spirit, and with humans across a wide spectrum of existence.
she loved, she nurtured, she offered pieces of herself and she was wise enough to draw from others what she needed for herself.

her name is liz johnson, and I know that she will live forever in the memories of all who knew her. whether they knew big parts, all of her, most of her, or just a small part as I did. the liz I know will always be smiling and vibrant and grounded and deeply connected to our world. she will teach me things through her presence, and through her creativity. I have deepened my own connection to my creativity because of liz.
liz is the reason this web log exists, as she is the one who unleashed my creative passions and reignited my belief in who I am and who I need to be.

I give not of myself, I wither.
I rest in peace and love and find
that fuel surrounds me, gives to me
the passion that I sought
and I give, myself, and find that I
am more whole than before.

liz was, is, and will always be a gift to those of us here on earth.
may all of those who have been touched by her life know that she is still here, more perfectly than ever before, and that she will always be a part of us because of her unending gifts to us while she was in human form here, on this earth.

[liz johnson survived a catastrophic plane crash in guatemala on sunday, only to die later that night during medical procedures at the hospital. she was one of a handful of humanitarian workers who were there to work on a school. she lived here in utah with her family.]

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the Male Ego

The other day I was coming down a canyon in my drop bars (two years ago I would have said, 'what's a drop bar?'), working hard, when I came up on two guys who were also heading downhill but at a more leisurely pace. I passed them, said hello as I did so, and pulled back into the bike lane. a few minutes later they went flying past me, faces looking dead ahead, not a single bit of acknowledgment that I even existed on this planet let alone was involved in and enjoying the same sport they were.
I have to attribute this to the male ego. what else can it be? now I know we all have egos, myself included. and mine even shows its ridiculous little head once in a while, or perhaps more often. but the difference between mine and say, those of certain men on bicycles, is that I KNOW mine exists and I can LAUGH at mine. I know my ego was quite excited to pass those guys, and I could also smile because I knew if the men had really been working like I was, they would have kicked my butt down the hill.
I think I pissed them off.
and I'm sure I will be sharing with you much more of my thoughts about the male ego . . .

a little history

I was married, and I had a mountain bike which I rarely rode. we separated, I moved out, and four months later someone stole my bike. the next spring, 2005, I bought myself a new mountain bike. I rode occasionally, and in april 2006 I rode in my first century, the Cactus Hugger in St. George, Utah. I made it 54 miles on that mountain bike, and it took me about 6 hours. I think that included the rest stops where I prayed that someone would steal my bike again . . .
in june 2006 I started riding my mountain bike five mornings a week, a 45-55 minute loop that was intended to be all about exercise. and what I found was that I loved the quiet, peaceful morning full of bird chatter and barely breaking sunrises. by that fall I was hooked, and began considering the purchase of a road bike. I rode up emigration canyon for the first time that Labor Day of 2006, panting and plowing along on my trusty (heavy) bike, and a month later I was the proud owner of my own road bike: I had become a two-bike girl!
a 17-week-long "power camp" over the winter and a handful of new friends kept bicycling front and center in my life, and when spring of 2007 rolled around I was ready to hit the pavement. I rode my first century the end of april, when I again went to St. George and completed that Cactus Hugger. it took me about 7 hours, but this time I rode the entire 100 miles with about 9300 feet of vertical gain. woo hoo!
I started riding canyons around our area, emigration and millcreek, city creek, big cottonwood, little mountain and big mountain, and once--yes, only once--little cottonwood.
then in september of 2007, I rode from Logan, Utah, to Jackson, Wyoming, in the slightly infamous LOTOJA race. I rode, I did not race. and I completed the thing, crediting my good training buddies, the incredibly perfect weather, my support team, and an amazing convergence of all things positive in the universe.
I put in about 3500 miles last season, and as of today, july 19, 2008, I have about 1700 in, adding to it every day.
I have again signed on to ride the LOTOJA race, and my goal is to have just somewhere near as great a ride as I did last year. oh, and to have someone fun to talk with along the way as I got incredibly bored last year . . . star valley is still a nightmare scene in my biking memories . . .
and here is a picture of the machine that has helped me reclaim my life.