summer plans

yesterday someone in power camp asked me what my summer plans were.
yikes!
I could barely tell her what my plans were for today, for the rest of this week.
but this has been niggling at me a bit, because as I've told everyone and their dog, I am not doing lotoja this year.
yep, not.
I've done my five, I'm darn proud of myself, I'm happy with that, time for a break.
I'm not doing it this year.

well, not as of today.

last week someone mentioned putting a female team together, that she had a sponsor, that we could all do this, it would be fun . . .
I am resisting.

but this is what happens: if I don't sign up, don't plan to ride, what do I do? do I still do all those centuries, will I stop caring about how many miles I log each week? do I choose some other big ride as my goal, do I just start riding for fun, what happens to the susan who has done this for five years?
will I become someone else, a different person, where will I put my energy, my focus, my commitment, do I need therapy?

at this point I've committed to one ride, in durango, over memorial day weekend, the ironhorse classic.
that's it, no others, nada, no plans.
no plans.

which feels really strange . . . so I'm just sitting with it. it's early, it's only the beginning of february. I don't need to know what my summer will be like yet, I don't need to make plans, I have plenty of time.
so I'm sitting, waiting for inspiration, and will eventually fall off my fence and into one set of plans or another.
hey, lotoja registration is still two months away.

of course, I won't be signing up for that because I'm not doing it.
yep, not.