Thursday, August 5, 2010

internal truth

my alarm went off at five-thirty this morning, set last night by the me who had decided to go to yoga this morning.
the me who woke, however, wasn't so sure she wanted to go to yoga.
it took five minutes of mental tug of war to come to my decision, which was that (roll of eyes, please) I would be glad I did it once I got up, got to class, and did it. oh, that part of me is so wise but so, so frustrating. I was tired, and sleep was feeling ever so wonderful.
I rose, I dressed, I drove to class.
and I was glad I did it.

the yoga message of the day is truth. finding, accepting, embracing the truth within your body.
this sends fingers of thought out in many directions: there's our emotional truth, which is acted out by our body, there's our physical truth, which we may or may not mentally accept, there's the truth of our body in time on this planet, and there is also our inner truth, that glowing inner light that we may or may not always be able to connect with.
I thought (or non-thought) about my body's physical truth during much of the morning's practice. we ask a great deal of our bodies over time, and most of us are probably not skilled in rewarding our bodies effectively or even kindly. slouching on a couch isn't really a reward, though at times it might feel as if it is. I fear that drinking water and eating kale are better rewards, darn it all.
as I reflect on what my body has tolerated throughout my adult life, I think as well about the messages it has sent me along the way. three pregnancies, periods of bed rest, damage to my lower spine, an AC joint injury, bouts of abdominal issues . . . and then a traumatic crash, and the resulting period of healing.
my present thinking about my accident is that it was the culmination of a long life cycle, an end to one part of my life and the beginning of the next. I have healed so beautifully (yes, I realize the healing phase is not yet over) and I feel as though I am living differently now. the accident created a space for me to slow down, to rest, to struggle a bit with my limitations, to discover some of my own internal truths, and to recommit to my path.
within weeks of my accident other changes took place in my life, and the one which has brought me closer than ever to reaching a life goal occurred just three days before the Big Event.
my truths have become more clear to me, as superfluousness has been stripped away. I have let go some stressors, or perhaps they have just let go of me. I have settled more deeply into the truth of who I am and what I am meant to do, and I feel so amazingly comfortable with it all that I am constantly astounded.

so truth, this morning, the truth of my body is this: it has been here on earth a fairly long time. it has served me incredibly well, especially as I have pushed it within millimeters of its limits time and again. it is capable of more than I realize. it responds well to being stretched. it is capable of becoming even stronger and more flexible. it deserves to be rewarded with water and kale and excellent nutrition, the occasional massage, and times of rest.
and the truth of my soul is this: everything I've written in the paragraph above, except perhaps the kale.

thanks to jen for a great yoga class this morning, and thanks to the universe for slamming me to the ground seven weeks ago.
all is well.

No comments: