the tao of cycling: kids

Thursday, January 8, 2009

kids

most of you who read this web-log know that my oldest son, jake, is an identical twin whose brother died at birth.
while I was pregnant with them we were told that although they were identical, one was slightly larger than the other. this was something to watch, we were told, as "identical" means "the same," therefore it was curious and slightly concerning that they were not exactly the same.
we had played around with names a little bit, and my favorites were jake and andrew. however, with news of the discrepancy in size, I gave my babies-in-utero nicknames: the larger ( by an ounce or so ) became Hoss, and the smaller, Little Joe. and any sociological historian could probably deduce from that small bit of information approximately how old I am. I loved Bonanza growing up, and always, I mean always, had a crush on Little Joe.
when Hoss was born and Little Joe died, we realized that we could give Hoss a name and let him grow into it, but that Little Joe would always be Little Joe to us. thus Hoss became Jake, and Little Joe was baptised Joseph, so that we could always call him Little Joe.

all of this is just to preface the sharing of what one of my beautiful daughters wrote, that she pinned up on her board in her room and I read while changing sheets yesterday. her gracious words and deep connection to the brother she's never met have always been a part of her, and I see this as a little gift from God to me. she's written many notes, drawn pictures, and spoken of Little Joe for years and years, and this is just one of the latest, that touched me in a beautiful way.
"Dear Little Joe,
I miss you. I love you. I'm your sister. I can only imagine what you'd be like if you were here beside me as my brother. My big brother, who's turning 18 next year and will graduate high school alongside Jakie. But your in a better place now, a place God chose for you. I just wish I could see your face. But I have an idea from Jake. I love you. I miss you. Sleep tight Little Joe, we will always love you--we will never forget you."

what gifts our children are, especially when they reveal their hearts to us. I will work on remembering that my job is to make it safe enough for them to do so.

No comments:

Post a Comment

the Male Ego

The other day I was coming down a canyon in my drop bars (two years ago I would have said, 'what's a drop bar?'), working hard, when I came up on two guys who were also heading downhill but at a more leisurely pace. I passed them, said hello as I did so, and pulled back into the bike lane. a few minutes later they went flying past me, faces looking dead ahead, not a single bit of acknowledgment that I even existed on this planet let alone was involved in and enjoying the same sport they were.
I have to attribute this to the male ego. what else can it be? now I know we all have egos, myself included. and mine even shows its ridiculous little head once in a while, or perhaps more often. but the difference between mine and say, those of certain men on bicycles, is that I KNOW mine exists and I can LAUGH at mine. I know my ego was quite excited to pass those guys, and I could also smile because I knew if the men had really been working like I was, they would have kicked my butt down the hill.
I think I pissed them off.
and I'm sure I will be sharing with you much more of my thoughts about the male ego . . .

a little history

I was married, and I had a mountain bike which I rarely rode. we separated, I moved out, and four months later someone stole my bike. the next spring, 2005, I bought myself a new mountain bike. I rode occasionally, and in april 2006 I rode in my first century, the Cactus Hugger in St. George, Utah. I made it 54 miles on that mountain bike, and it took me about 6 hours. I think that included the rest stops where I prayed that someone would steal my bike again . . .
in june 2006 I started riding my mountain bike five mornings a week, a 45-55 minute loop that was intended to be all about exercise. and what I found was that I loved the quiet, peaceful morning full of bird chatter and barely breaking sunrises. by that fall I was hooked, and began considering the purchase of a road bike. I rode up emigration canyon for the first time that Labor Day of 2006, panting and plowing along on my trusty (heavy) bike, and a month later I was the proud owner of my own road bike: I had become a two-bike girl!
a 17-week-long "power camp" over the winter and a handful of new friends kept bicycling front and center in my life, and when spring of 2007 rolled around I was ready to hit the pavement. I rode my first century the end of april, when I again went to St. George and completed that Cactus Hugger. it took me about 7 hours, but this time I rode the entire 100 miles with about 9300 feet of vertical gain. woo hoo!
I started riding canyons around our area, emigration and millcreek, city creek, big cottonwood, little mountain and big mountain, and once--yes, only once--little cottonwood.
then in september of 2007, I rode from Logan, Utah, to Jackson, Wyoming, in the slightly infamous LOTOJA race. I rode, I did not race. and I completed the thing, crediting my good training buddies, the incredibly perfect weather, my support team, and an amazing convergence of all things positive in the universe.
I put in about 3500 miles last season, and as of today, july 19, 2008, I have about 1700 in, adding to it every day.
I have again signed on to ride the LOTOJA race, and my goal is to have just somewhere near as great a ride as I did last year. oh, and to have someone fun to talk with along the way as I got incredibly bored last year . . . star valley is still a nightmare scene in my biking memories . . .
and here is a picture of the machine that has helped me reclaim my life.