tonight I am wishing for a magical essay to appear from above, sprinkling down upon me and falling right out of my fingertips.
tonight, I have nothing to say.
I am in another pause: this is a good thing, but it's like a big deep breath before you jump into that seemingly bottomless pool of water. during that big deep breath you make sure of your position, double-check your intended landing spot, adjust your suit, and give yourself a mental attaboy. you're thinking about the big jump---the thrill of it and how you will be changed as a result---but you're not quite there yet. you're running through the have-to's, working your way through that process before you reach that big event. the big event is your focus, but you're also able to accomplish what needs to be accomplished. future focus, while functioning in the present.
that's what I've been doing.
I have my sights on something that will be happening but is not yet.
in the meantime I have to work out in the morning, shuttle kids from here to there, replenish inventory, answer the phone, take the cat to be neutered, have lunch with daughters at school, run errands and return library books, take a child to the orthodontist, get a kid's hair cut, take same kid to piano, pick up the surgically altered cat, somehow make dinner, take kids to basketball practice, fold laundry, remove dog hair from the couch, pick up same kids from practice, wrangle everyone into bed, and set the coffee machine before I retire so that when I get up tomorrow morning I'll have something to help me do it all again.
oh, and find something to write about so as to not miss a day of posting to my web-log.
which tonight is apparently the concept of a future focus coupled with attention to the current day.
I am here, participating, functioning, flowing relatively smoothly through my day, yet I am not here at all.
existence on two separate planes.
I'm smiling as I realize that I'm not too bad at this.
however, it is now time for the last shuttle of the day, so I will gracefully close by thanking the powers that be who managed to somehow sprinkle a little fairy dust my way that magically turned into a little bit of something to say.