janus

I haven't made a new year's resolution in so long that I don't remember the last one I made. or if I've ever made one.
come to think of it, I have probably not ever made a new year's resolution.
why not?
fear of failure, I'm sure.
if I put it out there, and I don't succeed, why then I have failed. and I'll feel bad about that. which I don't like to do.
therefore, if I don't put it out there, I can't fail.

do you detect a character flaw somewhere there within my argument?

this is what I do instead: I assess myself fairly regularly, and make small adjustments along the way. usually. and when I decide to do something big, it will just happen whenever it happens. I don't see a need to make dramatic changes each january---or dramatic plans each january---I just tweak little things as needed, and go with the momentum for big things as they come along.

it's hard to avoid those "what are you going to do differently this year?" conversations, though, as "new year's resolutions" are such a seemingly universal tradition. would you like to know how that happened? here's the story I've been told:

"The tradition of the New Year's Resolutions goes all the way back to 153 B.C. [when] Janus, a mythical king of early Rome was placed at the head of the calendar.

With two faces, Janus could look back on past events and forward to the future. Janus became the ancient symbol for resolutions and many Romans looked for forgiveness from their enemies and also exchanged gifts before the beginning of each year.

The Romans named the first month of the year after Janus, the god of beginnings and the guardian of doors and entrances." (www.goalsguy.com)

I don't care for the artificial line drawn on december 31: I would rather ask forgiveness of my enemies as needed, and give gifts when I am moved to do so.

that being said, do I have any intentions for this new year? of course! they include:

to ride my bike as often as I can and desire to
to fuel my body more effectively
to live without regret or remorse
to live so that if I die there will be nothing I haven't yet said
to live with intent
to acknowledge my own power and wisdom
to not rely on outsiders' observations of my life, but to know my own path
to write and write and write and write . . .

and to revel in sunny days and appreciate the gray ones for the depth and definition they add to my life.