Wednesday, September 15, 2010

the state of not knowing

I am in this grand place of not knowing what my next adventure is.

it's kind of fun being here, knowing that eventually plans will fall together and some new experience will enter my life, but not having any concrete idea of what that might be or even when it might occur.

I've been thinking about this for two reasons. first, because lotoja is now over, and life opens back up again. second, because it's possible that my lotoja-phase-of-life might be over; I may have finally hit satiation level with the whole program. (please note that I say may, being the ever-equivocal person I am. it's much too close to the event to have any real understanding of my feelings about it all.)

and although I have three children in high school that keep me tethered to a certain kind of existence, a company to run, and a writing project to research and write, I feel a general sense of openness to whatever new adventures want to enter my life.

it may be a new riding adventure, something stimulating and challenging and altogether different from lotoja.
it may be something new about business, some renewed interest or intensification of what already exists.
it may be about writing, or cars, or my house, or just about any aspect of my life.

I just feel this great sense of possibility, of hope, of, well, faith in what's coming down the pike. (writer's note: I just did a little research on the phrase "coming down the pike" and find that there is great disagreement about whether it's "pike" or "pipe" and even greater disagreement about where it actually originated.... my choice is that it's from the 1904 world's fair in St. Louis, where a walkway known as "The Pike" was filled with mind-boggling sights and experiences, leading visitors to wonder what would next be coming down the pike. other explanations involved mailrooms and spears and severed heads . . . I'll stick with the fair.)

so, today I exist in this wonderful state of being uncommitted to any specific future, of being open to many optional futures, and of having faith that what's best and right for me will eventually make itself known.

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