Wednesday, November 12, 2008


you knew it was coming, didn't you?
I can't live long with a "no" attitude, so I am having a "yes" attitude today.
so far, these are the things I've said yes to:

sleeping in until 5:25 and then getting ready for yoga
glorying in that INCREDIBLE MOON hanging in the western sky this morning
100 crunches and a a few dozen core strengthening exercises pre-yoga
a new yoga instructor, who arrived 5 minutes late and taught without music (eeek)
my wonderful heated seat in the car, and hot air blowing out to warm my ankles and feet
making whatever it was my girls wanted for their lunches today (one chose PB&J on tortillas, the other went for turkey and cheese on a tortilla roll-up)
ramming the edge of a cardboard box into my lip, causing my teeth to puncture the skin and make my lip swell. I swore first before I said yes to this one.

that's a pretty good sampling of my pre-8:00 am "yes" practice.

and I've been thinking about how often I approach life with a "maybe" attitude, especially when it comes to scheduling events and activities. I hang out in "maybe" more than either "yes" or "no."
I am such a hermit it's easy to say no to things, because I'm so very happy hanging out by myself, reading, being productive, nesting. saying "yes" means I have to give some of this up, and I am reluctant to do so. a "maybe" allows me time to think about it, to explore how I really feel about it, and to come to a decision about whether or not I'm willing to trade my solitude for the experience.
a "maybe" also allows me time to predict outcomes. what will happen if I say yes and participate in the event? will I have a new experience, will I be glad, or will I find myself in a familiar and uncomfortable situation, one that I always swear I don't want to repeat? I try to stay positive, and tell myself that "you never know," but sometimes, I know.
finally, a "maybe" gives me time to settle into my answer and commit. some people say yes immediately and with enthusiasm, and then end up not participating for whatever the reason may be. I am much more comfortable being sure of my answer and commitment before I respond with a yes. a "maybe" allows me to commit fully when I commit.

I envy people who are yes-with-enthusiasm-and-certainty people. people who embrace new experiences and don't spend all that energy assessing trade-offs and predicting outcomes. who follow through, and aren't attached to the end result but welcome the event and whatever unfolds.

the bottom line is I'm still working on yes. finding that comfort zone where I'm stretched from hermit land but not pulled fully from it. where the outcome doesn't matter nearly as much as positively welcoming the experience. where I don't pre-judge from past results. where I enjoy whatever comes without attaching too much meaning to it.
and I will find this place, yes, I will. I'm inching closer to it every day that I hold yes in my mind.

PS: do you think these means I should say "yes" to all of those chocolate chip cookies staring at me?

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