Monday, February 7, 2011

the joy of randomness

back to the ipod.
and me.
and how the two of us, together, create a blissful state of being.

I am a structured person, more or less. I commit to things, I follow through, I am constant and dependable. (usually.) I know where things are, I'm prompt, I rarely run out of things. I am organized, I write things in pen on my calendar and very, very rarely change plans.

however, there is this little subject of knowing what I want, setting goals, making plans: I'm not always so good at this. because, because, there are times when it's not possible to know what I want until I get it.
and this is where the ipod, set on shuffle, comes in.
there are hundreds and hundreds of songs on my ipod, and when it is set on shuffle, I have no idea what will begin playing in my ears next. it may be a song I just heard the day before, it could be a song I haven't heard in months. it could be an overplayed favorite, it might be a song that has grown in meaning since the last time I heard it. I can't know until I hear it, and I am wonderfully, joyfully, gloriously not in charge of what will next be given to me.

the universe can operate in the same way.

I could sit here and map out the next twelve months of my life: what I want, my goals, what I will do each week, where I will be going, what I plan to create, what my kids will be doing, what places I will visit, events I will ride in, classes I will take, projects I will undertake . . . or I could place my life on shuffle and just see what happens.
now, given my tendency to be organized, committed, efficient (more or less), one would think that I'd be all over the former method.
but in reality, I tend to live a bit by the shuffle method.
this is why: there are a million experiences I've never had, never felt, never touched, never sat with . . . how can I know what I want if I've never known it?

just as one would be restricted if they went through life knowing their favorite book was one they read at age fifteen, one who wishes to grow and evolve must always be open to the unknown, for we never know when we will be touched by that which we haven't yet encountered.

yesterday a song shuffled its way into my ears, and it was the perfect song for my mood, calling all angels, written and sung by jane siberry. I couldn't tell you the last time I heard this song, and it was exactly what I needed, yet I couldn't have figured that out by myself.
the universe needed to point it out to me.

it's not always easy to trust the universe, to trust that what I need will end up in front of me, either offered as a selection or flat out plunked down, unavoidable, something I am bound to trip over. and of course there are times when I have to go search out something I need, crave, desire. sometimes I even plan, set goals, and make choices ahead of time.
but I never forget that joy is found in randomness, that I am not the only wise one in my life, and that I can't always know what's the perfect, glorious, absolutely fabulous right thing for me.

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