Friday, January 7, 2011

a step back

we have to do this every once in a while.
step back, distance ourselves from whatever is going on internally, and make a naked assessment of where we are. (not an assessment of where we are, naked, that's an entirely different posting.)
without this ability to step away from where we currently sit, it's much too easy to get caught up in the seeming minuteness of our progress, and the disappointment in our speed of travel toward our destinations.

we can call this witnessing.
without witnessing, things don't always seem to have happened. whether our witness is internal or external, the very act of witnessing brings movement into awareness, validating its existence.

it's a skill to be able to step back from ourselves; it takes commitment and awareness and the ability to detach, something most of us find difficult. but it's crucial if we are to move forward healthily.

I have to pause and step outside myself in many arenas, and the causal factor is usually a feeling of disgruntledness. why aren't I better, why aren't I faster, why aren't I further along this path, why aren't I making more money, why am I still here, where I was a year ago . . . then I shake myself, take a deep breath, and step back.
and look where I used to be.
then give myself credit for forward movement.

as much as I think I'm more thoughtful and aware than this, there are still times where I expect instant gratification. okay, perhaps not instant, but say, within a short span of time. even if I only work on something occasionally or sporadically, I still expect visible changes. what I'm trying to teach myself is that baby steps are not only the best way to move forward with depth and certainty, but they just might be the only way. and what's best about them is that they work.

so when I take that step back and away, looking at susan from outside, I can see her strengths, her challenges, her very human-ness, and just how very far she's come. she may not be "there" yet, but as "there" seems to be a moving target for her, it's all good. she's moving. she's changing, growing, adding new skills to her repertoire, continuing to subtly reinvent herself.

and I bet that if you were willing to step away and assess, becoming a witness to your own self, you would find much of the same.

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