Wednesday, February 3, 2010

on being preprogrammed

this is my first thought upon waking each morning: maybe I can get a nap today.

I am weary, and tomorrow morning's class is a very challenging one. The workout scheduled is one of the toughest I've ever done, which has caused me to question why I am doing this.
who am I trying to be? why do I feel I must do this?
and the answer that comes to me is that I am internally programmed to continually seek improvement. it is my job to keep moving toward becoming the best version of myself possible.

that doesn't allow for much slacking.
at least not in significant areas. if improvement is possible, I will feel a tug. yes, I experience numerous tugs each day of my life. I feel them during conversations with my kids, during interactions with colleagues, while doing chores around the house, and when deciding what to next put into my stomach.

I'm apprehensive about tomorrow's class. but to skip it would be to chicken out, to avoid an opportunity for mental and physical stretching. stretching which will hopefully lead to new levels of strength in both those areas.
and then, maybe, after class, I can have a nap.

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