Friday, April 1, 2011

how to measure a female

well, with a tape measure, of course. and her numbers better fit into that ideal 36-24-36 model.

and that was my joke for the day. now back to topic.

since yesterday I discussed measuring a man, it's only logical that today I look in the opposite direction.
how do I measure a female? almost completely by the sincerity of her smile.
that is the only way I have of knowing how genuine she is, which in turn tells me how safe I am around her, and how much I want to get to know her.
and there you have it.

now let's all go ride a bike.


Anonymous said...

How to measure a woman
April 4, 2011

Women are measured from good to great. A good woman agrees to go on a ride; a great woman sneaks out at 5:30 AM for the same ride. A good woman likes date night; a great woman dons a white blouse, red satin vest, and fur-fringed boots. A good woman serves dinner; a great woman creates dinner. A good woman dims the lights; a great woman lights the candles. A good woman buys red wine; a great woman let’s her man pour. A good woman cleans up nicely; a great woman “does” her hair. A good woman offers to help paint the bathroom; a great woman does it shirtless. A good woman gives a man a kiss when he comes home; a great woman grabs his butt after the kiss. A good woman offers a shower; a great woman offers to share a shower.

A woman makes a man feel like a man. The stronger the feminine essence, the stronger the attraction from our masculine spirit (men do not have essence). A good woman is attractive; a great woman creates attraction. A good woman exercises; a great woman takes care of herself. A good woman is interested; a great woman is curious. A good woman has curves; a great woman has a W:H ratio between 0.71 and 0.79. A good woman shows emotion; a great woman is emotionally available. A good woman is confident; a great woman is poised. A good woman is happy; a great woman is joyful. A good woman is athletic; a great woman swoops. A good woman has sparkle; a great woman radiates. A good woman is responsive; a great woman has highly granular goose bumps (and is otherwise highly sensitive to thermal flux). A good woman touches; a great woman allows touch. A good woman is warm; a great woman is hot. A good woman smells good; a great woman tastes good. A good woman is calm; a great woman is peaceful. A good woman is beautiful; a great woman is deep. The best women are tolerant, grateful, trusting, and appreciative. Luckily, all women spoon.

A good woman serves; a great woman allows herself to be served. A good woman changes her own bike tire; a great woman lets her man change her tire. A good woman loves; a great woman lets herself be loved. A good woman worships; a great woman worships her connections. A good woman is forthcoming; a great woman demands loyalty. A good woman listens to a man’s workday tribulations; a great woman diffuses the stress. A good woman creates a home; a great woman creates a sanctuary. A great woman serves post-ride protein (anything less is not even good).

A great woman loves counter sitting; good ones linger. A great woman loves camping; good ones skip the public shower. A good woman shaves; a great woman shaves everywhere. Good woman love outdoor music; a great woman fills the picnic basket. A good woman hot tubs; a great woman hot tubs sans suit. A good woman hugs; a great woman melts. A good woman makes time; a great woman makes time slip away.

And then there are Divine women (AKA “beyond category”). A Divine woman channels God’s love to everyone she touches, whether by brush of cheek, a smile in a doorway, or a blessed gift. A great woman is a teacher; a Divine woman is a yogi. A Divine woman removes all temptations to seek euphoria elsewhere (including my temptation to order a custom carbon fiber bike with carbon fiber rims and carbon fiber cages and carbon fiber crankset).

Good women create children; great women create family; Divine women create community. Men make war (to protect their woman); women make love (to prevent war and save their men). If we would only let women make more love, then men would make less war. Women create peace. Women create. Women are Divine.

My best friends are women.

susan said...

I concede.
I have been outdone.