december 17

when I was in seventh grade I had a crush on an older guy. his dad was the maintenance man at our school, and not only did these two share the same name, they shared the same birthday. which was december 17.

numbers, numbers, yep, these things just stick with me forever, because yes, this was about a third of a century ago. (okay, even longer than that, but I was trying to give an idea without getting caught up in being anally precise and accurate.)

for years and years I held december 17th as a special day in my heart. and then over time it faded, other important dates replaced it, and it eventually, gently settled back into just being another day of the year, one of many that have little attachments to people I've encountered during my life.

yesterday was december 17th, and not once did I think of this boy. nor did I think about posting here. I thought about work, my kids, tasks and chores that needed to be accomplished, how much I detested the morning spin class workout (fast fast fast legs spinning round and round and round), and the party I was going to attend that night.

it was a party full of friends and acquaintances from the past, many of whom I rarely see anymore. an eclectic mix, all bound by friendship with a loving, generous, deeply beautiful couple who were celebrating the husband's fiftieth birthday.

fifty.

fifty.

this is a ridiculous number of years to have lived, considering how young we all feel. I still remember being 12, I still remember the first crushes, first kisses, first devastations and losses as things didn't go the way I wanted them to. though they're all resolved and not issues I carry around with me, many feel like last week, last month, if not yesterday. ours pasts are no further away than quick trips to those banks of memory.

I was neither the youngest nor the oldest in the house last night, and to all appearances each one of us was in the process of living our best life, regardless of age. it's just a number, right? an acknowledgement of how long we've been on the planet, simply that.

I remember december 17 fondly. I loved this boy for a time, and I hope he celebrated his birthday yesterday surrounded by those he loves.

and maybe next december 17 I will not only remember him, but I'll remember my commitment to posting here.

however, they do say the memory is the first thing to go . . .