there are times when I know exactly what I want to do, and I plan it and then do it.
say, a bike ride up a particular canyon, or with a certain group of people.
other times I'm not sure, and I either A, end up not doing it because it never tipped the scale into "oh yes, I want to", or B, I experience a sudden spike in energy that gets me moving into doing whatever it might be.
this latter situation could happen on a day that could be a day off or could be a recovery ride day. I might get up early, sit and sip some coffee thinking how great it is to sit and sip coffee, thinking there's no way I'm going to go ride, and then within 15 minutes I decide a recovery ride would feel great and off I go.
and then there are those decisions about What To Do that are so big that I am immobilized.
I am currently embroiled in one of those. it involves making a decision between two events that are occurring on the same day in different states next month. the only way I can do both is through the cloning process, which to my understanding has not yet been perfected for humans.
there are pros and cons to doing each, and I do believe I would find great pleasure in doing either. if I choose the activity here in utah I'm more likely to be able to keep to my rigid training schedule, but if I choose the out-of-state activity I'm more likely to have a bit of a break (which They say is good for one).
I've known about this dilemma for weeks now, and I am giving myself until the end of this month to come to a decision. I know I won't be able to sit down with paper and pencil to hash it out, so I am waiting for the universe to float some wisdom down on me.
yep, I really am.
I am waiting for something, I don't know what, to help me with this decision. maybe it will be some kind of Sign, maybe it will just be a deepening feeling about which I'd rather do. maybe it will come in the form of words from a friend, perhaps I'll receive a written message or a lightening bolt of clarity.
I don't know.
I'm just sitting with it, waiting until it all becomes more clear and the decision feels right.
it's a luxury to be in a position where I have the time and patience to wait for the decision. I've given it up to the universe, as sometimes it's just best to do. as much as this decision affects me and my life, I feel like it's not completely up to me; input from outside of me is every bit as important as that from within.
I know which way I'm leaning, but it's not the most logical way to lean, and this is probably why I need universal support. if I lean so far that I fall into that choice, I will disappoint people, and I don't enjoy that piece of it.
so here I sit, waiting for wisdom.
which is sure to come, sooner or later, and is most likely to come as an epiphany as I'm sitting on my bike saddle, somewhere, after I've depleted all excess oxygen and my brain is a tabula rasa.
I'll be sure to let you know.