Friday, December 11, 2009

it don't come easy

this is one key thing cycling has taught me:
how to spend a long time doing something you don't like so that you will become a better cyclist.
which can, of course, be extrapolated to the larger world:
I have learned how to tolerate experiences I don't care for so that I may evolve into a better person.
I have come a long way in these past few years, yet it is still a daily battle, one I am not sure I will ever emerge from completely victorious.
will I ever reach a point where I tolerate difficulty without wanting to quit, scream, pull my hair out, or just turn around and do something absolutely different?
as I said, I've made great progress over time. I'm much better at telling myself I will survive this than I used to be: now I know enough to believe myself when I say that. now I believe that these experiences do make me stronger, probably even more so mentally than even physically.
but this does not mean I have to like them.

my latest goal is to stop complaining about the experiences I don't like.
take this morning, for example. our task in class was to warm up for 10 minutes, then to spend 40 minutes spinning at 105 rpm's at a medium-low heart rate. the heart rate was not difficult to reach and hold, but the fast spinning is just something I find hard. I don't like it, it's not fun, it's something I constantly have to remind myself to keep up with, and it's just hard work. my legs prefer slower spinning with more resistance. so each time we have to do this fast-spinning-stuff I groan.
and I am working hard to first, keep those groans to myself, and second, reduce the number of groans I allow myself to groan.
attitude, attitude, attitude, I tell myself.
and then I realize I've become distracted and my legs have slowed to 100 rpm's and I have to push back up to 105.
and I give myself a pep talk about how there are only 38 minutes remaining.

I will conquer this.
because it's all about becoming the very best version of myself (thank you, matthew kelly) and that don't come easy.
if it did, it wouldn't be worth it, would it?

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