the tao of cycling: it don't come easy

Friday, December 11, 2009

it don't come easy

this is one key thing cycling has taught me:
how to spend a long time doing something you don't like so that you will become a better cyclist.
which can, of course, be extrapolated to the larger world:
I have learned how to tolerate experiences I don't care for so that I may evolve into a better person.
I have come a long way in these past few years, yet it is still a daily battle, one I am not sure I will ever emerge from completely victorious.
will I ever reach a point where I tolerate difficulty without wanting to quit, scream, pull my hair out, or just turn around and do something absolutely different?
as I said, I've made great progress over time. I'm much better at telling myself I will survive this than I used to be: now I know enough to believe myself when I say that. now I believe that these experiences do make me stronger, probably even more so mentally than even physically.
but this does not mean I have to like them.

my latest goal is to stop complaining about the experiences I don't like.
take this morning, for example. our task in class was to warm up for 10 minutes, then to spend 40 minutes spinning at 105 rpm's at a medium-low heart rate. the heart rate was not difficult to reach and hold, but the fast spinning is just something I find hard. I don't like it, it's not fun, it's something I constantly have to remind myself to keep up with, and it's just hard work. my legs prefer slower spinning with more resistance. so each time we have to do this fast-spinning-stuff I groan.
and I am working hard to first, keep those groans to myself, and second, reduce the number of groans I allow myself to groan.
attitude, attitude, attitude, I tell myself.
and then I realize I've become distracted and my legs have slowed to 100 rpm's and I have to push back up to 105.
and I give myself a pep talk about how there are only 38 minutes remaining.

I will conquer this.
because it's all about becoming the very best version of myself (thank you, matthew kelly) and that don't come easy.
if it did, it wouldn't be worth it, would it?

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the Male Ego

The other day I was coming down a canyon in my drop bars (two years ago I would have said, 'what's a drop bar?'), working hard, when I came up on two guys who were also heading downhill but at a more leisurely pace. I passed them, said hello as I did so, and pulled back into the bike lane. a few minutes later they went flying past me, faces looking dead ahead, not a single bit of acknowledgment that I even existed on this planet let alone was involved in and enjoying the same sport they were.
I have to attribute this to the male ego. what else can it be? now I know we all have egos, myself included. and mine even shows its ridiculous little head once in a while, or perhaps more often. but the difference between mine and say, those of certain men on bicycles, is that I KNOW mine exists and I can LAUGH at mine. I know my ego was quite excited to pass those guys, and I could also smile because I knew if the men had really been working like I was, they would have kicked my butt down the hill.
I think I pissed them off.
and I'm sure I will be sharing with you much more of my thoughts about the male ego . . .

a little history

I was married, and I had a mountain bike which I rarely rode. we separated, I moved out, and four months later someone stole my bike. the next spring, 2005, I bought myself a new mountain bike. I rode occasionally, and in april 2006 I rode in my first century, the Cactus Hugger in St. George, Utah. I made it 54 miles on that mountain bike, and it took me about 6 hours. I think that included the rest stops where I prayed that someone would steal my bike again . . .
in june 2006 I started riding my mountain bike five mornings a week, a 45-55 minute loop that was intended to be all about exercise. and what I found was that I loved the quiet, peaceful morning full of bird chatter and barely breaking sunrises. by that fall I was hooked, and began considering the purchase of a road bike. I rode up emigration canyon for the first time that Labor Day of 2006, panting and plowing along on my trusty (heavy) bike, and a month later I was the proud owner of my own road bike: I had become a two-bike girl!
a 17-week-long "power camp" over the winter and a handful of new friends kept bicycling front and center in my life, and when spring of 2007 rolled around I was ready to hit the pavement. I rode my first century the end of april, when I again went to St. George and completed that Cactus Hugger. it took me about 7 hours, but this time I rode the entire 100 miles with about 9300 feet of vertical gain. woo hoo!
I started riding canyons around our area, emigration and millcreek, city creek, big cottonwood, little mountain and big mountain, and once--yes, only once--little cottonwood.
then in september of 2007, I rode from Logan, Utah, to Jackson, Wyoming, in the slightly infamous LOTOJA race. I rode, I did not race. and I completed the thing, crediting my good training buddies, the incredibly perfect weather, my support team, and an amazing convergence of all things positive in the universe.
I put in about 3500 miles last season, and as of today, july 19, 2008, I have about 1700 in, adding to it every day.
I have again signed on to ride the LOTOJA race, and my goal is to have just somewhere near as great a ride as I did last year. oh, and to have someone fun to talk with along the way as I got incredibly bored last year . . . star valley is still a nightmare scene in my biking memories . . .
and here is a picture of the machine that has helped me reclaim my life.