puttering

there exist periods in our lives of outwardly-enforced down time.
I am experiencing one of such right now, and it is not entirely negative.

had I not wrecked and injured myself last tuesday I would have accomplished a great deal more in the past five days. but perhaps ~ just perhaps ~ what I've been accomplishing instead is even more important that the unweeded flowerbeds, the dusty furniture, the unwritten notes, the uncooked meals, the growing pile of laundry, and the other myriad tasks that lay about in states ranging from "never begun" to "almost completed, but not quite."

it hasn't been easy.
each time I look outside I ache to be out there cleaning up my yard.
I look at heavy items that need to be somewhere else and I have to consciously move my attention away.
everything I do I do more slowly, each task takes twice as long as it would have a week ago.
although I can still type fairly well, my arm develops an ache the longer I continue and I pay the price later on.

but I've also had time for things I've put off for quite some time, and even more importantly, I feel this strangely inexplicable sense of peace. it's all just fine that I can't ride my bike, can't mow the lawn, can't weed the garden. it's okay that I can't unload the dishwasher or drive my car.
the universe has told me to slow down, and it finally found a way to make me listen. thankfully, it didn't take away all of my abilities, and thus I am left in a place of puttering.

I walked to the bank the other day.
I actually sat and watched a television program without multi-tasking.
I had a phone conversation without multi-tasking.
I folded laundry, slowly and carefully, taking time with each piece and resting between folds.
I breathed deeply (though not too deeply, as that hurts) and chewed my food thoroughly.
I cleaned a counter, slowly, with my left hand, paying complete attention to what I was doing.
these are all new experiences, ones done with deliberation and patience.

later this morning is my clavicle surgery, and I'm expecting that to slow me down even more.
is there a state of movement less than puttering? will I soon be pottering or poking or frittering?
sigh.
I'll soon be doing something less, and I will have to adjust again.
and then eventually I'll begin doing something more, moving back into fiddling, then up to puttering and before we know it, I'll be back to Accomplishing Things the way I used to.
but maybe some of this down time will have affected my psyche, and I'll remember the good old days when I took extra time for each step of my day. when I still got done what Absolutely Needed To Be Done, and saved everything else for the next day.
or the next.

and everything was just fine.