cycling to nowhere

after my crash, I went into the hospital, and my bike went to its own version of the hospital--the store where it was purchased--for a Crash Damage Assessment.
the bike had less wrong with it than I did, and managed to just need its front wheel trued, and a new left shifter.  it stayed at the shop for quite some time, though, and when it finally came home ten days ago I almost got teary looking at it.
last week it came inside the house and john set it up on a trainer so that I could spend some time getting used to being in the saddle again without all the stresses of actually being outside on the road.
the first day I spun for 30 minutes.
the next day, 45.
the third day, 60.
and I think that's my max, because the monotony is almost more than I can take:  one needs mental strength to pedal so hard for so long to go nowhere.
I sweat more inside, and I drink more inside, and I look around--most often, unsuccessfully--for distractions more when I'm inside.
I'm prepping, you see, because I have a goal.

a week ago I had a follow-up appointment with the trauma/general surgery clinic.  they took and examined a new chest xray, and proclaimed me sufficiently far enough along the healing path to be released from their care.  woo hoo!  and then I asked,
when can I get back on my bike?
the doctor looked at me, his face a cross between amazement and exasperation, and the resident next to him said,
most people don't ask that question.
well, I said.
six weeks, he said, we like you to have six weeks from the injury.

six weeks will be up this coming saturday, and as such, I am planning on an outing.  as in being outside, on my real bike, on the road, and as my mountain-biking friend says, rubber-side down.

I have quite a few feelings about being back outside on my bike.
I've missed it terribly:  the exercise, the challenge, the accomplishment, the beauty surrounding me, the fresh air, the solitude, the meditative time out in the natural world.
but I also know I don't ever want to crash like that again.  I don't want to go so far as to say I have fear, but I definitely will begin again with caution.
maybe a nice flat (flat-ish as there is nothing flat around here) ride.  I am not eager to descend quickly, and not even really eager to descend.
I'm sure I'll get over this, eventually, but I also hope to retain a bit of caution.  I never, ever, want to return to the emergency room due to an accident.

so, I'm practicing becoming steady and comfortable on my trainer-grounded bike, so that I can soon be on asphalt and chipseal again, spinning my legs around, breathing fresh air and listening to the great big world.
my bike's ready.
in 5 days, I will be, too.

saddle time

last saturday, on a blustery wind-whipped day, I spent three hours on an indoor spin bike in a room with thirty other like-minded people.


it was the culmination of our 17-week winter "power camp," three fun-filled hours on questionable saddles, with loud blaring music, plenty of challenging intervals, and a small feast. yep, bagels, oranges, bananas, pretzels, and . . . girl scout cookies. water, too, of course, all served to us as we pedaled away, minute after minute after hour after hour.


and I really don't have too much to say about it, other than I feel obligated to mention the fact that a bunch of us nuts did it.
and as my daughters would say,
who does that?


probably not that many people.

now, 3 hours outside in the saddle, on our real bikes: no problem.

it's no problem because---as I experienced on yesterday's (outdoor) ride---the scenery changes. there are road hazards to avoid, little hills to sprint up and swoop down, chirping birds and the occasional barking dog. the air changes, too: a quick flash of cigarette smoke from the open windows of the car that just passed, the smell of coffee as I pass a hangout, a waft of baking bread. mulch, freshly trimmed grass, wood smoke from a fireplace.
just being in the sun-warmed air makes my heart sing, whether pedaling or not, pushing up a hill or not, swooping, or not.

but decision making is personal.
what works for one doesn't always work for another.
judgment is pointless, and thank God we're not all the same for as I've said many times, I don't really want the bike lanes to become any more crowded.

who does that?
I do. I do many things, I enjoy them, I'm grateful for them. I make choices---gosh are we ever lucky to be able to make choices---and I'm grateful for opportunities to choose one thing over another.
and I'm especially grateful for my saddle, my real saddle, when I get to sit on it out in the real world under a sunny sky.

5,4,3

yesterday the skies split wide open and let the sun pour over our valley, and many people went outside and played.
not me.
I thought about it, considered it, rejected it, mainly because of this pain-in-the-neck cold I have. it's actually a pain in the chest and throat every time I cough, and I decided the bundling up against the cold/sweating/freezing aspect of riding outside in 43 degree weather was probably not the best thing I could do for my body.
so instead I went to class.

I went early to get some good medium heart rate zone work in, which was a good thing because the class itself was a little shy on that.
the workout was, after a 15 minute warmup,
5 minutes in zone 4A (lactate threshold place) at a fast climbing pace (75 rpm)
4 minutes in zone 4B (halfway between lactate threshold and ventricular threshold), same pace but standing,
3 minutes zone 5 (VT), 85-90 rpm, seated
3 minutes recovery,
repeat,
repeat.

well .. .. .. when one works in zone 4B and above, it really helps to be able to breathe fully, easily, without restriction.
a chest cold can comprise one's breathing, just a bit.

4A was fine. and 4B was fine for the first two minutes, and then I found I couldn't pull breath into my lungs well, and I decided I was stupid--yes, stupid--to try to force it. so I backed down to 4A and stayed there until the zone 5 phase was over.

round two: 4A was fine. 4B was okay, and I found myself in zone 5 at least a quarter of the time. decided not to push to zone 5 for those 3 minutes, stayed in 4B. I'm not stupid.

round three: 4A was fine. 4B was fine. decided to go for zone 5. did it. don't want to discuss level of stupidity.

I think I was correct to stay indoors for my workout. but it was disheartening, especially as I watched cyclist after cyclist spin past my house all afternoon.
today is warmer, even, but windy and gray and I am not called at all to go tool around outside.

being sick sucks. there's no other conclusion to be drawn.
I sit inside, typing, writing away, being productive, but wishing the cough away.
sigh. maybe tomorrow I'll wake up healthy.
I wish the same for you, for us all, actually.

namaste.