passion

whatever we choose to do in life, we do it much better when we are passionate about it.
this thought is on my mind because it's been challenging lately to think up things to write about: I am in my winter cocoon and although I may have passions for many things, my passion for writing about cycling is dampened by the cold and wet and lack of outdoor cycling opportunities. there is only so much one can say about power camp.
I want to ride up a canyon and be invigorated again.
I want to see and hear and smell and be an active participant in the world, instead of rushing to spend as little time as possible between car and building in the bitter cold or drizzling sleet. I want fresh air and sunshine and glittering hillsides and dry bike lanes.

today john told me about plans for a velodrome to be built out south in our valley, and while this may be great news for many people, I can't imagine being one who would utilize the facility. I'm sure I should (catch that?) do it once . . . but I don't see that fitting in on a regular basis with who I am.
I want to be out there, not in anywhere.

that being said, I am glad to be doing power camp. the workouts are good for me, the camaraderie is good for me, and the commitment is good for me.
it's just not always passion-inducing.
or emotionally stimulating.
it doesn't make me want to come home, turn on the computer, and write a novel about my experience.
however, I often enjoy the jokes that fly around the room.

thus I will turn to a power camp joke to end this missive ~ this is my favorite of the week, though my daughter tells me it's old news and posted all over facebook ~

sometimes I wonder why that frisbee keeps getting bigger and bigger . . .
and then it hits me.

it don't come easy

this is one key thing cycling has taught me:
how to spend a long time doing something you don't like so that you will become a better cyclist.
which can, of course, be extrapolated to the larger world:
I have learned how to tolerate experiences I don't care for so that I may evolve into a better person.
I have come a long way in these past few years, yet it is still a daily battle, one I am not sure I will ever emerge from completely victorious.
will I ever reach a point where I tolerate difficulty without wanting to quit, scream, pull my hair out, or just turn around and do something absolutely different?
as I said, I've made great progress over time. I'm much better at telling myself I will survive this than I used to be: now I know enough to believe myself when I say that. now I believe that these experiences do make me stronger, probably even more so mentally than even physically.
but this does not mean I have to like them.

my latest goal is to stop complaining about the experiences I don't like.
take this morning, for example. our task in class was to warm up for 10 minutes, then to spend 40 minutes spinning at 105 rpm's at a medium-low heart rate. the heart rate was not difficult to reach and hold, but the fast spinning is just something I find hard. I don't like it, it's not fun, it's something I constantly have to remind myself to keep up with, and it's just hard work. my legs prefer slower spinning with more resistance. so each time we have to do this fast-spinning-stuff I groan.
and I am working hard to first, keep those groans to myself, and second, reduce the number of groans I allow myself to groan.
attitude, attitude, attitude, I tell myself.
and then I realize I've become distracted and my legs have slowed to 100 rpm's and I have to push back up to 105.
and I give myself a pep talk about how there are only 38 minutes remaining.

I will conquer this.
because it's all about becoming the very best version of myself (thank you, matthew kelly) and that don't come easy.
if it did, it wouldn't be worth it, would it?

ow

yesterday's power camp class was a "time trial." what this means in the real cycling world is go fast and hard and try to win. what it means in power camp is high heart rate for extended time and plan on hurting.
we joke all the time in class about drafting each other, never being able to pull ahead of anyone, not getting there (wherever there might be) any faster than anyone else, and the headwinds/tailwinds provided by the fans in the room.
the only way to win a power camp time trial is to assign yourself a personal victory for spinning through it in whatever way you prescribed for yourself.
I just like to end without ever having experienced the I Am Going To Die sensation.

which is what I did, so I labeled myself victorious.
however, I did experience something else, which was the I Think I Hurt My Hamstring sensation.
this is new for me.
I've had knee issues throughout my cycling life ~ these issues come and go, and usually time, ice and bike adjustments end up solving the problems ~ I know knee pain. and I know cramps: I've not had many, but I've had a few over the years. but this muscle thing I experienced yesterday is new.
not good new, like yippee! I'm having a new experience! wow, this is cool!
new in the unknown sense, in the I never wanted to be here sense.

what happened is that about an hour into the class I suddenly felt a sharp, stabbing-type pain in the lower middle portion of my left hamstring. it moved along the muscle, in a way that made me think of a tear zipping through a piece of canvas. electric, painful, jolting me from my little zone and sending a loud message up to my brain and back down to my right leg: STOP !!

I don't need to go on and on; suffice to say I have a slight issue that I am working on.
a little ice, and a plan to apply heat on the way to class in the morning, plenty gentle stretching and some small amount of rest. I plan to be very careful, as the thought of really being injured is almost more than I can bear. I will be gentle, and give more work to my quads, and listen to my body. all the right things.

this morning's class was a combination of slow, heavy resistance work, and fast, light resistance spinning. what I learned is that my little injured hamstring doesn't like to spin around really quickly; funny, the rest of me (including the mental piece) doesn't like that part either!
perhaps I willed this upon myself . . .

4.5 miles

there is snow on the road, and the wind has been whipping frozen particles from north to south, chilling me to the bone. what was a beautiful white carpet yesterday is now lumped in hollows and corners and scraped so diligently from my lawn that you might think I had asked someone to shovel the whiteness from my grass.
I saw not a single commuter-by-bike this morning on my way home from power camp, for which I felt great relief.
this is not good biking weather.

it hit me today that it might not be easy to get myself on a real bike these next couple weeks. the forecasts show clouds and snowflakes and temperatures that are good ages for college students. these are not the conditions in which I like to ride.
and see, I have to get out for at least a brief ride sometime in the next 24 days, so that I may end 2009 with a nice, cheery, round mileage number.
the day after thanksgiving brought me close to my milestone, but by the end of that ride I was so tired and cold that I had absolutely no desire to ride another 4.5 miles and hit it. a mere skip across the parking lot in contrast to the Big Annual Number, but there was just no way I wanted to do it. hey, I knew there would be plenty more opportunities to get out before the end of the year.

so I passed on the next day that offered upper thirties and partly cloudy skies.
and the one after that.
and even the one following that.
and now I find myself here: staring out the window at the sinisterly slick roads and the air that's so cold I can see minuscule ice crystals in their processes of formation. my nasal passages hurt just looking out there, and goose bumps run across my body at the thought of actually being out there.

I have 24 days left.
to ride 4.5 miles.
outside.
on dry pavement, under sunny skies and in (oh please) 40 degree air.
this is my present request this holiday season, just one beautiful day so I may complete my goal.
I think this is a reasonable request, which I will now convey to the weather gods above.

and you can place your own little vote on whether or not I will let the weather keep me from reaching that goal.
ha.
if only you could see my self-deprecating smirk.
sigh.
yep, we all know me all too well.

revolutionary math

a thought to be pondered:

during today's two-hour power camp spin class my legs made perfect circles over 12,000 times.




I think I've earned cake for dessert.

superfood me

anyone who knows me knows that I prefer cookies to kale. and cake to broccoli. and candy to tofu.
I have never tried to pretend that I eat as well as I should.
I actually enjoy and eat many foods that are good for me, it's just that I supplement and sometimes replace healthy items with those composed primarily of refined sugars and fats. darn it, I have the biggest sweet tooth on earth.

last night was the Power Camp Nutrition Seminar. yep, can you see where this is headed?
first of all, there wasn't a whole lot of body fat in that room.
and they didn't serve us champagne and petit fours. not even cookies and punch.
try whole grain crackers, miniature cheese cubes, sliced fruit, and water.

and I am incorporating (taking in to my body) a new leaf. note, I am not turning over that new leaf, I am just adding it to me. I'm not quite ready to give up the sugar sprinkled side of the leaf for the completely healthy side.
yes, this was on my list of "intentions" last january, to fuel my body more effectively. and hey, it's still 2009, isn't it?

this is what hooked me.
the dietitian who spoke to us gave me an easy place to begin, and that is exactly what I needed.
she talked about a group of foods called superfoods, which are densely packed with nutrients. the list includes things like whole grains, lentils, salmon, sweet potatoes, kale (but I nixed that), spinach, beans, nuts and seeds, berries, citrus, kiwi, oatmeal.
the side of the leaf I'm incorporating is the one that says substitute some of these things for the preprocessed foods you usually gravitate to.
see, I am a lazy eater. I don't like to have to work too hard for my food: I need things that I can grab and munch on as I graze throughout my day. but I realize that the sugary, processed stuff I usually grab doesn't serve me well down the road. so I now have this plan to keep some of these superfood-things available so that I munch on them, instead.
this is my experiment. I am going to see if I have more energy, if I have less desire to crash mid-afternoon. I am giving these things a chance, because the dietitian threw a Socrates quote at us last night that finally got to me:
bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas good men eat and drink that they may live.
yes, I've been one of those ride to eat people, (bad me), instead of an eat to ride person, and I can finally handle the shame no longer.

I had a baked sweet potato with salt and pepper for lunch today, and it was darn good.
I've snacked on a few sunflower seeds and a little bit of trail mix (fruit and nuts, no m&m's). I'm thinking about having a banana later. or possibly half an orange.

I am not promising a miracle. I will still eat cake. but I will work on training my mind that cake is not a meal.

and as usual, I promise to keep you posted.

blue card people

do you know that feeling you get when you are with people who seem to be in some way superior to you? they drive a more expensive car than yours, they're wearing mink while you're in your North Face hoodie, their skin is clearer or smoother or younger . . . it's not necessarily that you're jealous, it's not even that you want what it is they have: it's just that you sometimes slip into that place of thinking you are, perhaps, just a little less than.

okay, fine, if that's never happened to you, you're done reading here: go start your own Superior Being Blog.
if you can relate, read on.

this year power camp divides us into 3 distinct yet eerily homogeneous groups: Sport, Expert, and Elite. these divisions are based on your Power To Weight ratio, as determined by J.R. during your pre-power camp VO2 sub max testing. the program is adjusted slightly for the different classifications: Sports have an extra day off (suggested schedule is 5x a week instead of the 6x for Experts and Elites), Sports often have fewer of the work efforts (such as 12 "power starts" instead of the 15 the other two groups do), and Elites often are told to work in a higher heart rate zone than either of the other two groups (such as 4A instead of 3B).
J.R. tells us this is all in our best interest, and to mess with his program is to potentially keep you from achieving your best results.

when I mentioned above that we were eerily homogeneous, I was speaking for the core of the camper group who are pretty (very) darn focused on achieving their best results. one doesn't sign up for power camp on a lark, and I dare say the majority of us are highly committed.
however, one of our weaknesses---across the board---is that we like to work hard. and here we are, this group of overachievers, being told that we are to limit ourselves to 12 when others are doing 15, or to stay in 3B when others are working in 4A . . . I'll let you just imagine what can happen.
they say one of the most difficult forms of discipline an athlete must practice is that of holding back.

I'm an Expert. ooh, yes, I say that with a gleam in my eye that remains while I roll them heavenward. I don't get to call myself an expert in much at all, so it provides a little humor in my life to be labeled one by J.R.
we all have little laminated Heartrate Zone Cards which we rubber band to our spin bike handlebars during class to ensure our awareness of exactly how fast our hearts should be beating at all times. these cards have always been part of class, and it's become just a standard piece of the power camp equipment.
until this year.
because you see, this year the powers that be decided that this new category, the Elites, should have a differently colored card. so us non-Elites have a standard white card, while the Elites have these incredibly special light blue cards.
so now you can look around the room and see who's better than you.
oops, I mean, see whose Power To Weight ratio is higher than yours.

I can take it. I don't really want to have to work harder. and I know I'm not as strong as these people. it's really okay. I am happy to be an Expert. I don't even want to be an Elite when I grow up.

I might not have a blue card, but I do have a tiara (that was my prize for only missing one day of Power Camp the entire first season). no one can be the best at everything, and sometimes we just have to make the most of what it is we are good at. I happen to be good at commitment, follow-through, dependability, accuracy, reliability, math, and a few other things.
and since one of those other things I'm extremely good at is sitting on the couch and eating cookies, I think I'm headed there soon. you should see my bookmark: it's this little blue card, with rows of numbers across it . . .